I will survive

No this title is not a lead in for a Gloria Gaynor song but its a realisation I am coming to as I move through and embrace all my fears and try to keep my wits about me in the big wide world where others can want something from us and may hurt us to get it, or we may get hurt or disappointed in the process when dreams, or ideals or hopes or longings are thwarted.   It is not necessarily the end of things if that occurs just another challenge, and another learning.

That said is easier to say this when we do have good support we can trust.  I am lucky to have a very solid therapist who I can trust 120 percent and if I need to grieve something or go to her with anger or pain or frustration over something occuring that hurts I know with her I can give full vent to it.  And this is not something I had leading up to very recent years.  Its interesting as the other day I had the chance to help my cousin’s daughter who got some very very bad news about an injury, no one was validating her response which they considered ‘over the top’ raising their eyes.  I just went into her room and gave her a big hug and suddenly all her anger melted and she just said “thank you”, her Mum was saying she was not dying and did not have cancer, and of course she was seeing red as her injury has completely immobilised her and made it difficult to get to uni at at pretty intense time in her course.  Of course its not the end of the world, but sometimes we need a time of processing to come to terms with things and just having validation and being able to have our full onslaught of feelings and move through them helps and we do need support for this.  If it is lacking outside we need to learn to give it from within…..

I was so blessed yesterday to just have a floor work session with myself and my body.  I am practicing just placing my hands on my body in various places (one technique I shared a while back from trauma specialist Peter Levine places one hand on forehead and other on heart to self calm in the midst of a panic attack) and on my tummy around where I feel my inner child lives and what I label a Moon Mars area which in me often gets blocked and so much came out about being abandoned on the side of the road in a foreign town over a thousand miles from home with no bag after a disagreement with my then boyfriend to whom I was (unbeknown at the time) pregnant to.   That happened again too with my ex when by mistake I reved his precious camper van over a certain number of revs when he was trying to teach me to drive it.  He just drove off leaving me in the middle of nowhere for an hour.

Anyway these are some of the many abandonments I have gone through and I did survive each one..  I can survive being on my own, I know that now that I have good emotional support.  Yes, it gets lonely at times but I do have a fulfilling life now most especially through my blog here which gives me so much and is such a wonderful platform of expression that connect me with so many special people I feel lucky to call friends.  And you too can survive, as you have shared with me over the past days.  And you know something I also believe that together in love we can not only survive but thrive too, if we just allow ourselves to move through our process our grief, our anger, our pain without shutting down, locking down or resisting it but opening up and releasing it.   (thanks Hippie Bea for your insights shared on the subtle difference between letting go and releasing via an active process!)