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I’m stepping back

I am stepping back from my sister and her problems.  No matter how she hurt me in the past (and the head trauma I had was a direct result of things she did that made me feel so unsafe at the place I needed to rest) I have gone back and tried to keep loving.   I stuck with her through the suicide attempt.  I just dont want to have to support her now at the hospital.  Part of me feels guilty but I know I have kept in constant contact with her since Mum died and tried to mention helpful things for anxiety and she is not interested in them so I have tried and I also realise now her healing journey is her own.  I can only love her now from a distance, it hurts to write this and I do cry for her.  Hard as it is this seems the right decision for me.  An adult one.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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8 thoughts on “I’m stepping back”

  1. I’ve had to do this with my own sister and it is very hard and painful but I realized it may be the most loving, caring, and courageous thing to do…allow her to find her way to healing. You are not alone. I’m sorry for your pain in this. I fully understand it.

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  2. I have also experienced this type of situation, and had such a hard time finding the balance between “helping” someone and giving them support. It’s a long journey… I wish you and your sister all the best.

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  3. You are not abandoning her. You are abandoning codependent behavior. Once you get comfortable with the boundaries, you can go back to loving her in person, in a way that is healthy for you. I know you know this already, but sometimes it’s nice to hear validation from outside😊

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      1. I wish I had suggestions, but I don’t know her. Sometimes, the only way you can have a healthy relationship with certain people is from afar. Or maybe it’s only that way for a bit. You’ll know when it feels right. And you’ll know when it doesn’t, which you already did and set boundaries.

        Whenever I’m struggling in knowing how to do something like this, I tell myself that if life came with a manual, we’d have no growth at all.

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      2. Yes there is no manual as each life is unique. I suffer a lot of unnecessary guilt. Therapy will help and I am learing to try and differentiate inner voices some of which are wise and others a bit confused, parts of my inner child… I need to tap into my adult self to know what feels right and protect my inner child. If that makes sense. Really just feeling my way with all of this. I yes I will know what feels right Bless you Jami xo

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