Conflicted

I felt very conflicted after posting a post on the dangers of psychiatric meds.  Some claim without them they feel suicidal and so I need to respect that view.  I know I may be biased as I saw two sister’s medicated and one had a brain injury and I am reading a book at the moment by a neurologist called Lost and Found on what happens when certain parts of the brain get injured. Both situations were complex.  One made an attempt on her life when she was on a cocktail of meds and being abused due to lack of empathy and what I saw as her families attempt to control her out of control behavior and because I am so Uranian and a freedom love, control worries me and provokes a lot of anger as at times the psyche is trying to give attention to deeper things going on and they come out sideways, at that time my sister was undergoing extreme change and several significant losses.  I believe she would say that medication was the only alternative and after a round of shock therapy in 2013 she has next to no memories of anything from the traumatic time she was voluntarily committed and the years following, nor now about key traumatic events of her childhood, she is just flat with no emotions and I never see her cry.  It was so hard to see her in a next to catatonic state several times after another round of bullying abuse at the hands of several family members.  It nearly drove ME insane.  (with anger!)

I have decided that in my blog in future I am going to try not to make comments on psyche meds.  I am not in a position to do so as I don’t believe in them and my experience with relatives is not positive (and that is just MY experience).
At the same time I don’t feel I have a right to foist that view on others.  I respect what you feel you need to do to heal, that doesn’t mean I see it working all the time though and I try to go a natural way but that said I don’t expound ‘alternative’ or purely ‘spiritual’ practices either unless they provide a psychological or soul connected and ancestral connected component.  We cannot become spiritually sound until the psychological work is done and we reclaim our lost spirit (which is what I understand to be the true meaning of that word spiritual – in contact with our true spirit and soul not existing in a split off state).  And this ‘dark night of the soul’ work to get there is hard and not always understood or validated in our culture.

There can be so mamy complex reasons why we suffer and as highly sensitive people how do we know whether or not mentally ill people these days are really that or just the canary in the coal mine that sings when the psychic or natural atmostphere is beleagured or toxic? As the scapegoat or identified patient how do we know if we aren’t just carrying the shadow for a family or system or a society that is awry?  These are points made in her book on empathic sensitivity by Kyra Mesich who suffered depression as a child that she later found she carried for her mother.  As empathic sensitives we can and do pick up all kinds of energies and when we don’t recognise this as a gift we are led to believe its a curse or marks us out to be bullied in dysfunctional systems.

Speaking of that if you want an insight into that issue take a look at the movie Before I Fall which addresses the issue of teen bullying and projected shame.  It will leave you stunned.   I am a bit tired to write more as this latest response to my post the other day on meds has dyscombobulated me and I didn’t sleep well last night I was awake half the night with so much going through my head as I worried over the effects and others comments.   I need to keep myself balanced today and every day which is an ongoing challenge as an empathic sensitive.

I can only say I am so glad I have never bowed to pressure to take drugs and sought alternative but deeply psychological means which include the ancestral component of my own traumatic inheritance which along with a lot of other ‘bipolar’ people involved alcoholism in response to unresolved grief.

I have just always trusted my gut on this issue and despite having intense depression and suicidal ideation the past I have always managed it by opening up and reaching out for help from other empaths (as abusers and bullies nearly destroyed my reality over 50 years and it was a hard fight to hold onto it and reclaim it after the last soul devestating relationship).  I see myself as a light warrior and a love warrior and I will never apologise for that but from now on I will try to stay quiet on the medication issue as I know I am not God and don’t have the answers about what works for anyone else and for all I know that may involve medication.