Shared suffering

Probably one of the inherent problems with suffering or failing or things not working out as we had hoped is that we don’t accept that this is just all a part of life.   One of the central messages of Buddhism was this realisation that all beings are vulnerable to suffering and loss of some kind and sadly some of us dont get the best start if we are born into families where we are not acknowledged or allowed to unfold authentically or where we have parents struggling so hard to survive and suffering wounding from their parents or grand parents or great grand parents.

It’s hard to accept such suffering when we believe we see others doing better, seemingly living with more ease and security and happiness and safety, as well as emotional support.  But never the less the attitude we take towards our suffering is going to dictate whether we make it worse for ourselves in the long run.  I am mid way through Bev Aisbett’s book 30 Days 30 Ways to Overcome Anxiety and its a very helpful book in describing how to take the focus of what is bad and anxiety provoking as well as taking good steps for self care when we find ourselves besieged by thoughts of horror, pain or doom.  We certainly can make our day a lot worse if we keep the focus on our painful feelings, that said there are also times when we do need to do the opposite and open our hearts to our pain and suffering allowing such feelings a home but one where they can be encompassed, soothed and embraced in love.  What also helps in this practice is to let go of some of the natural self obsession which consumes us in depression which keeps us primarily focused on OUR pain, OUR fear, OUR hurt, OUR anger and OUR dread.  When we do this we forget that it’s just a natural part of the human condition to suffer such feelings and that others are suffering too.  All people know loss, many people have known emotional abuse and all of us suffer illness or pain at some point in our lives.

Despite the fact I had a bad reaction to a previous post which included a quote from Pema Codron I am going to post this one today as it speaks about sharing the heart within our pain to extend outwards instead of closing off and getting stuck in morbid self isolation.  I hope that is brings some light to my follower’s day, if you are struggling today.

Sharing the Heart

Sharing the heart is a simple practice that can be used at any time and in every situation.  It enlarges our view and helps us remember our interconnection.  The essence of this practice is that when we encounter pain in our life we breathe into our heart with the recognition that others also feel this. It’s a way of acknowledging when we are closing down and of training to open up.  When we encounter any pleasure or tenderness in our life, we cherish that and rejoice.  Then we make the wish that others could also experience this delight or this relief.  In a nutshell, when life is pleasant, think of others.  When life is a burden, think of others.  If this is the only training we ever remember to do, it will benefit us tremendously and everyone else as well.  It’s a way of bringing whatever we encounter onto the path of awakening bodhichitta.

Bodhichitta is an open hearted state where we rest in tenderness.    Yes, there will be times people really hurt and oppress us but if we stay stuck in resentment we will be the one’s still suffering.   We can open to letting go in this situation, while still wishing them well and that they find freedom from their own restrictive, painful mindset.    And when we suffer we can remember that there is nothing wrong with us because of this, what we are going through is just part of the complex human condition.  From this awakened place we can then go on to make loving choices in our day which take the focus off shutting down or getting trapped in lovelessness, disconnection, isolation, fear and anxiety.