Shock

I awake with the shock of that impact Coursing through me Hard to breathe I feel I am being flooded Drowning in the fluid that seeped into my lungs When rib broke lancing the pleura Will I ever be free Struggling to breathe Struggling to stand In the dream your red Ferrari came I want that car to go away Go to school and be with friends Just a normal person Not the youngest in a family Striving to leave behind Whatever past was too frightening to face Never good enough Always striving for more No time to rest I know I absorbed that feeling That life was desperate And at any moment If I didnt run fast enough The wave would catch me Threatening to drown me Pursued by invisible ghosts Who were ancestral really My young body carried that for you all  And two times it tore me apart Now I know how it feels To live always with that memory inside With an ocean that threatens at any moment to flood these banks and to dissolve whatever fragile boundaries I try to erect And I know that separation is only an illusion at times And yet separation is what we strive for as adults So its a conundrum One that won’t ever be done with Or live free of Until I am gone