A poem I wrote the day after Mum died : You are gone

You are gone but with me still

Especially in the early evening

As beautiful soft light filters into my cottage

And I potter and tidy

Engaged in thoughts of you

Hanging up a pair of pants

I think of how

Only a few weeeks ago I tried to help you find some

Everything was growing so large on you

Now that old age and ill health was shrinking you

I remember how tired and worn your body was

And what an effort it was just to get up

With weight of heavy burdens you carried

Not only on your back

But deeply in your soul

And I remember this time of day

When we had arranged to meet for dinners

That will never come again

So many memories

Things we will never again share

I am just grateful I had you so long

Though at times we were so tired of each other

And the storms we suffered

Were so all encompassing

Somehow love kept beating

Deep inside

Both of our hearts

I remember now all that you loved and gave

And the times you failed

And I fell out of mind

Those times hurt

And when thus wounded

Its hard to see the deeper truth of things

The good within the pain

The gold within the shadow

However

Now that you are gone

I see it was all part of the tapestry

Woven by the mixed threads

Of the complex relationship

You and I shared