Eternally

At this moment in time

I feel the whole weight of my history with me

There is a sense that every person

Every event of my life

Is here with me in this room

And now, by some miracle

All these memories

Are no  longer a burden to me

As my heart fills with gratitude

So many moments

That were so precious

And I never realised

At the time

The full weight of it all

So many opportunities to connect

But when I was not connected

Deeply with myself

How could I truly be there

Or really value those moments

There were ghosts and long shadows falling

Across me

Eclipsing the reality of the now (and then)

Haunted I did not know I was

Haunted by all that had passed

All that I carried

But was buried

Had not yet arisen

But now in the autumn of my life

These memories are tinged with yellow orange and gold

I see the Mews flat we shared

The fire burning

You in the tiny kitchen

Cooking chicken and apricot stew

And me with my new hair cut

Dressed in my blue charity shop coat

Holding a plant

In flower

We tried to bring light into the darkness

Only to see it extinguished

We went our separate ways

But forever I will remember

The chance we had

And the love

That still slumbering here

In silent memories

Never had the chance

To fully live