It can be a good thing to look for the positives in life, but a chapter in Gabor Mate’s book I read a while back on the power of negative thinking also enlightened me to the fact that the pressure to be positive which negates painful truths, realities or emotions can not only be problematic but downright bad for our health. Being told to put a positive slant on things when things really are painful and negative can be a bit like lying to ourselves and the pressure to do so can be driven by all kinds of rational fears that don’t trust the power of darker emotions to heal us. It’s a subject I will address in more detail in another post when I am back home and have some of Gabor’s insights to hand to share. Just for now am out and about at the library close to lunch time.
I know in my own life often looking for the good and being told to overlook things wasn’t helpful, its something my Mum told me all the time and as I look back I see how constantly over running her own boundaries which never got to form properly in an emotionally neglectful childhood led to a lot of later stress, illness and yes, even her death. Listening to the talk by Gabor last night that I shared here in the last post : https://emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/a-fascinating-talk-on-the-effects-of-caring-and-caregiving/………..made me really open my eyes and look at the chain of events that led to my breast cancer in early 2016. I had been isolated for a long time and was not supported in my grief or other emotions or in healthy boundaries. I had been in a very toxic relationship too, where I tried to please all the time so as not to be abandoned and so I ended up totally abandoned. My point is that without effective inter personal boundaries and a good handle on the limits of our personal responsibility we are in danger later in life. Society at large often venerates attributes, too which are toxic, such as selflessness. If you have ever been sidelined or looked at askance for being ‘too negative’ when really you were just being real or trying to express a truth or darker insight you probably know what I am getting at. In a post later I will share more of Gabor Mate’s insights on this issue.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I read the same thing and agree. Balance. Too much positive or negative isn’t harmony. And there’s worth in what we think of as negative. Good points my friend 💓
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Glad it resonated. It is a balance…..great point. ❤
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And to recognize realism isn’t negative, right?
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True that’s the exact point…. I didn’t articulate it well Maybe you could try in a poem?
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Balanced realism?
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After reading this, you did put a new perspective to my thinking about the positive vs. negative thoughts. It actually does make a lot of sense. We should suppress our real and true emotions by forcing ourselves to be positive. Thank you.
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What Gabor Mate argues in is book When the Body Says No, that by doing so we compromise our immune systems. We should not have to adapt to negative stressors.. and then there are childhood issues that go so unrecognised by the medical profession as a whole. I will try to get more out there on this tomorrow I needed a break from blogging too much today. Hope it helps some of your followers, Beckie. ❤
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I hope it helps some of my followers too. Thank you.
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Reblogged this on Beckie's Mental Mess and commented:
Original post by “Emerging From The Dark Night” – a very interesting view on positive vs. negative thinking.
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I know exactly where your going with this! I look forward to reading more! and whats for lunch? Its 3 30 AM here I’m not sleeping because of feeling like shit and also hearing the thud of snow falling off the roof!
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Oh no.. not another sleepless night… how are you coping? I had sushi as I was out and about this afternoon only got home a while ago……heavy snow, it sounds like. 😦
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Exactly! I love his insights and have found them both counter culture and validating. The good vibe tribe thing has a dark side.
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I think general optimism is the right direction and that doesn’t exclude occasional uncomfortable emotions. When they appear, one should acknowledge them and not run away, just like you said. Also explore what is behind it, and let them be. If you wanna cry – cry. No one thinks positively all the time. In most media, it’s just superficial presentation of universal laws and for people who don’t do enough research and just stay on that level, it can lead to more confussion and depression. And toxic relationship and emotions do lead to illness, more than genetics does. I’m new hear and saw that you were diagnosed with breast cancer so I hope that somehow went away
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Breast cancer never ‘somehow’ goes away Tamara… I had surgery then radiotherapy but every day need to be conscious of my body and my emotions….. you never feel totally free of it…. thanks for reading and commenting. ❤
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