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Taken down

I dont get taken down into that dark loveless place as often these days.  I now know after an attempt to connect with one of my brother’s children for her birthday how it used to be when I was ignored or rejected or just looked at like I was an insect and reduced to tears within a short space of time by one member of his family how hurtful it is for me to even try.  I thought maybe reaching out in love and kindness may be returned but there is such a brick wall on that side of the family that I can often feel scalded by the attempts.

It happened today and I found myself crying and feeling very empty and low for the first time in some days.  Lately things have been going well this week I have connected with two people who really cherish me and I am taking a friend’s daughter out tomorrow as she cannot drive and has just undergone shoulder surgery.   When my niece doesnt respond I feel maybe its justified, at the same time as I feel bad about it all  Maybe I am not a healthy enough person to be around.  But the real truth is I am human, I struggle to connect and often dont know what to make of it when attempts rebound. That said today I am attempting to keep the focus on the positive.  I was low for a while and let myself cry and listened to the shaming voices.  But I didn’t totally take them on.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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11 thoughts on “Taken down”

  1. I think as long as we can tell ourselves, that this pain too will pass, then we can get past it, so long as we believe what we are telling ourselves. We can’t do anything about how someone else feels about us, whether it isw arranted or not. Some people are just ruthless when they are around people that have mental health issues. Too bad they weren’t taught when theyw ere younger, tht all people at least deserve respect.

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      1. I know absolutely how it feels to be “unimportant and or not liked”. Once I stopped worrying about whether people like me or not, even relatives, I started to feel better about myself. People are uneducated about mental illness, especially if they’ve never experienced it. They are afraid of what they don’t know. I hope you enjoy your outing tomorrow.

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      2. That is so true, my sister in law is a high level narcissist. She is very cold due to mother issues and she twisted her family against us at every point. You may not know how much your comment means to me but its great feedback. Thanks again ❤

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      4. You just have to know, it is because they don’t understand, they know nothing. And even though theyt reat you like shit, they really don’t know any better. So…i stead of being angry at them, think of it this way, you are actually a much better person than they because of your life experiences.

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