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The dearth of friendship

I feel a real soul loneliness in my friendship life in Australia.  I have acquaintances I am in touch with but most of them live such a surface life its hard to connect.  Calls are not returned or you get a text saying how busy they are.  Another friend has disappointed me greatly with her lack of contact and others make the post death promise of how they will be in touch soon to have a coffee and you just never hear from them.  WHY THE FUCK SAY IT THEN.  BE FUCKING HONEST AND DONT PUT OUT FALSE HOPE.  There.. done and dusted, I have had my ‘rant’.

I am totally honest when I say the closest connections I feel I now do have are on WordPress, only problem is we never meet.   Never mind, the comfort of comments and heart to heart connections shared here about our true inner life, as opposed the pretend external one a lot of people live are at least present in my life, they mean the world to me and seriously bring the only light into some of the lonelier days when I feel cranky and fed up…..please know people how valuable you are to me.

I feel like repeating the refrain of a Carpenter’s song I used to listen to a lot in my early teens  “and so it seems I must live my life alone… I’ll say goodbye to love” problem being I am NOT FUCKING PREPARED TO GIVE UP ON IT!  I believe in it, I know that love is what keeps me going, its what keeps my heart beating, the lack of or withholding of it stops my heart or gives me panic attacks, seeing the lack of it in the world in terms of the Syrian conflict, teenagers shooting up other teenagers, Presidents responding to that crisis with the solution of more guns, more defences just saddens my heart so damn much as I know it does yours.  What are we going to do people?  What can we do when the tormented twisted cries for lost love assume such monstrous disengaged forms and create such destruction on our planet?  And yet at the same time I see here on earth a whole lot of love and care from and expressed towards other humans too…..in so many other acts of love occuring every day that may often go unreported and unrecognised.   Surely all the pain should be a call to awaken to our need for love and genuine heart felt connections?.

So today when I find myself shitty with the friends who havent called, I know the only solution is to love.  I can recognise it angers me and frustrates the beJesus out of me too.   That is because I thrive on connection and yet I have the creative solution today… open up my blog write some more, comment some more, read some more. But I am also considering whether or not I may decide later this year to leave Australia.  I dont like a lot of the ethos here at times and this may be coming out of some delusion at the moment but I really long for a more loving community as I know I cannot fully survive with the dearth of physical friendship I feel here at present.. or maybe I can.  Maybe I have enough love inside my heart to sustain me.  I dont really know the answer all I know is that I engage with the questions.  Each day I get up, I put something positive in place as I learn to pay a little less attention to the negative chatter in my head.  Its ongoing work and I am sure so many of us relate.  So whereever you are in the world followers : have a beautiful soul nourishing Thursday….. over and out!

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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7 thoughts on “The dearth of friendship”

  1. Facebook is bullshit for sure. Only reason I’m on it, is to keep up to date on ehat is happening in my family. My business Facebook page has 3 x more follwoers, but that is not the same as friends. I have twice as many followers / friends on wordpress blog than I have on my own Facebook page. More of the friends on my blog are more caring and concerned than on my page, so even though I haven’t met them, I consider them friends.

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  2. Can’t hear any sirens so you haven’t burnt the house down 😀
    But you are right, there are many on here that give from a beautiful place, you included, but without those day to day real life connections outside, we lose something. And yes, we can get quite lonely at times because of it.
    And I think that you are expressing yourself beautifully with the many journeys you have taken…but…because of their intensity, depth and subject matter, many will find them very confronting, as you have during your journey. That alone keeps people at bay simply because their lives are already buried in ‘their stuff’ and do not have the capacity to take on more.
    Mind you, that is ‘on here’. In real life your probably the life of the party and may not be this strong in your friendships. But because of how you seem to be ‘on here’ it may be keeping many others at bay. Still reading your posts merrily but not stepping in to share to make those connections.
    Maybe more breaks from here and connecting in another way…healing groups, story writers (you’ve most certainly got enough here), or something you would enjoy doing along with others.
    One of the most enjoyable things that I do is to simply go stick my toes in some water…surf, river…and just connect with whatever/whoever is there. The grounding alone is worth its weight in gold 😀

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    1. Im sure you understand these feelings of loneliness come and go and it wasnt extreme anger today compared to what I have felt in the past. When I wrote it out it left me. And yes, I know I frighten people when I confront certain issues and feelings… its in my astrology. I am intense in many ways and that makes people step back which is fair enough as they cant know what my body went through with a near death trauma at the age of 17 and the other pivotal experiences of having little in the way of solid ground under my feet. I am open to exploring new ways to connect but its a conservative town I live.. that said on those daily encounters you talk of we do cross paths with others. I write just to get it out and then I look at the way I am colouring things and see its just where i was at that time. Things shift. There is more to say but I am out of time. ❤

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      1. Mmm, those conservative towns will do it to you every time 😀
        Which does make it difficult to ‘test’ the waters.
        At least you do have on here, and it most certainly allows an expression or two 😀

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  3. I get this totally and I feel the same way, though as an introvert I often make things lonelier for myself by refusing to answer the phone. It is easier to find other like minded souls here on WP than in real life. I grew up in one of those conservative towns. Our moving here to a university town was a breath of fresh air though our immediate neighbours are all very conservative.

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