I AM my body : some reflections on ‘spiritual narcissism’ and spiritual bypassing

I am sorry but I am not a fan of those who try to tell others they are ‘not their body’, yes we are or have a level of witnessing consciousness inside that can watch and observe our body and our thoughts and all kinds of things from a point of view of separation and distance, but we are also human animals and we struggle with this because so often we dont want to be, we want to be free spirits and deny the impact of earthly shackles and events and associations that can and do affect us, especially if we are sensitive and emotionally responsive.

I know there is a time when our care and emotions can and do get us into trouble, we may have to make the choice at a time to put our feelings aside for a time, for example if an abusive parent is shaming us or putting us down, to continue to feel bad because of what they say and to internalise it is damaging for us.   If a loved one is deeply suffering we may, for reasons of self care need to pull back time and energy and caring for a while to recharge and take care of our own bodies and souls.  I know when my Mum was dying a few months ago I had to do this at times.

I beleive it is a form of spiritual narcissism to tell people though that they are not their bodies or their suffering or whatever else the person is trying to invalidate or deny.   We may be the witnessing presence but we are also human animals with a biology of cells and systems that interweave and are interconnected with other cells and systems.  For example epigentic research has shown how trauma of a parent can be carried and communicated to the baby since we start as cells from the body of each parents and cells carry energy and imprints.  I think often being told ‘we are not our body’ can be a form of dissociation, which may be needed at times but wont help us long term to be fully embodied on this planet and deal with what is actually going on as processes in our cells and bodies.  And sorry but if you have been crashed and flung full force forward and your body is lacerated with car parts inside, try the saying “I am not the body I am just a witnessing presence”…. its laughable, actually!”  Same with psychological suffering as well and most especially as it relates to abuse.   Things said to us hurt, even if they are not true and it may take time to realise it was more about the other person’s projection, rather than anything wrong with us.

Psychotherapist and author John Welwood, who is also a Buddhist has a term for this kind of thing, he calls it Spiritual Bypassing and speaks about it in his book Towards a Psychology of Awakening.  He makes the point that psychological work needs to be done before we reach for spiritual solutions or techniques.   Author Mark Wolynn who practices as a multigenerational trauma healer also explains in his book It Didn’t Start With You how his spiritual quest which led him away from bonding with his mother and finding out about her own attachment trauma actually didn’t help him heal and kept him in avoidance.   He makes the point that so many of us choose to disconnect in this way instead of exploring the truth of how our being, body and cells were impacted as well as our minds and hearts by our earliest connections, when we choose to dissociate we may stay safe but not always reach a deeper healing and understanding.

In my own Complex PTS condition, I often do need to keep a focus on my body to feel how it has reacted to certain foods, activities and emotions.    I get information from my body.  My spirit is very much tied up with my breath.  I can use my consciousness of my breath to link into my body and connect inside, I can feel how the oxygen coming in in deep diaphramatic breathing is actually helping toxins release.  For example I can wake up feeling like I may have a headache coming on and if I do the right breathing and have a hot lemon juice, a short while later I will feel better.  If I just ignored my body and said I was not it how would I get this information?

I am writing this particular post in response to some recent comments on my blog.  I dont think those who have not suffered certain traumas can really fully understand how they affect a person and their body.  For example early separation from a mother affects us deeply, it affects the heart, it affects our soul, it affects our body.   Mark Wolynn quotes research in his book to show that those who have a troubled or disconnected relationship with their parents or suffered loss are twice as likely to develop cancer, heart disease and other cardio vascular conditions.   Loving relationships, being cuddled or stroked or soothed affect levels of oxytocin in our body.   Speaking lovingly to ourselves affects our cells in powerful ways.   Speaking harshly may lead us to contract and fill our cells with bad energy.

There is a lot more I would like to say in this post but its early and I need my breakfast.  I would just like to say, beware of who you listen to on this path of healing (and that includes me too).  If people tell you are not this or that, or just need to do this or that and it doesn’t sit well with you just let it go and trust the evidence of your own being and of those who actually choose to connect deeply rather than dissociate.   Don’t let your mind confuse your heart or cut you off from experiencing the fullness of what it means to be spirit and soul in a body at home on earth, even if this means encompassing the pain or messages of suffering which may contain vital information for you. This much I do know, you are a spirit and soul in a body and each is interconnected and must not be discarded on the path of conscious healing.