Diminished

There is a truth I have learned in recent years through the hard experience of suffering myself in all kinds of ways from the impact of complex trauma and watching other friends and family members suffer too.  I now have a clearer vision of those out there who would like to diminish us, probably not even to our faces.  I also see there are those who, when they dont take on board the underlying emotional dimension are flying blind.  Things make no sense to them because they cannot see any deeper and they are more than willing to dismiss or diminish us when we are actually suffering.  In some way if they dont have to look any deeper they can believe they have it so much more together and are doing so much better than us, but the truth is if they had been subjected to what we had they too would be struggling.

Those people sadly, may also be working a lot in the so called ‘mental health’ field.  In that position they can assume a position of power or control over us but if they are not relating to our insides from a loving caring empathy position they are like toxic poison to us.  Carl Jung said a lot of profound things but one of the most profound things he said was that where there was a will to power, love was often lacking.   The will to power means that we are dealing with a person who has an investment in control.  They want to control or deny hidden dimensions of their inner world, they are literally blind to them or reach for power as a substitute for the fact they were never related to with true love in their lives and true love may often involve discipline but of the kind that gives our souls and spirits good guidance.

In my own life I know my own weaknesses that stem from broken or lacking attachments.  In that void space left from where human care should be I often reach for substitutes, some of mine (now alcohol and drugs are no longer in my life) are coffee and sugary foods like icecream.  I try to kerb these impulses but I am not always capable of that self discipline and to be honest due to the lack of comfort I do reach for comfort foods.  At least I can own it.

Anyway, the issue of those who diminish or dismiss others for some reason has been very strong for me this week.  In the movie The Shape of Water which I saw on Monday it is the mute character in the role of a janitor who has the most love to give and also the most true inner strength.  The other characters who thrive on the will to power not only diminish her but the sea creature (monster?) she loves.  In the end the power of love shines forth but it is so often not this way in our society.  Those who are loving and soft suffer and struggle at the hands of those who would label them and will not see any deeper than a projected flaw they can never fully admit human need and vulnerability.   The sad thing is that in that movie the character who reaches for power does so because deep down inside he is only going to be valued if he measures up to patriachial ideals and wishes.  In the final scenes he dies.   I wish it was like this in life.  I wish the vulnerable and the loving did not suffer so much, but for some sad strange reason they do. In a culture which values heroic ideals of order, conquest, will to power and control the tender feminine is so often damaged or dismembered.   Its a truth very difficult to swallow and so infinitely sad that those out there who do see the hard truth or bitter pill so often don’t live to tell the tale.   They are then seen as wrong for checking out from what felt to them at the time as a deeply intolerable situation.