My heart knows

My heart knows what it is to ache

From longing for you

For the soothing caress of your touch

Which promised a connection

That later you will use to punish me

For not being the mother you longed for

My darling

Can’t you see I am just an ordinary woman

Sometimes a little girl

My heart and soul is scarred too

And so many times

When I needed comfort and holding it was never there

And that drove me to loveless places

Where I was hollowed out

All broken and misshapen from turning

This way and that

Like a plant that struggles to find the sun

Luckily now

Those days of longing are behind me

When you cut me free

I thought I would die from the pain

But I didn’t

Slowly over time I opened myself up to it

Circling and cirling

Up and down the spiral staircase of my past

Building for myself footholds

On which I could both descend and climb

So now when I glimpse a vision of stars

After years of wandering through a lonely expanse

Of darkness

Can you ever know

The release I feel

The dark years are all behind me

And my longing is now

A place I can both

Understand

And rest within

Finding deep inside it

Inner connection

A place of comfort

A way to met

The loving Self

I lost touch with

So so long ago