I was involved in a comment stream accompanying a blog that was written a day ago about how to recognise someone with pathological narcissism by the way they treat or respond to animals. What was discussed was that so often narcissists are willing to watch vulnerable animals suffer or they look down on them in some way. I have a sister in law with strong narcissistic tendencies and she once told me she considered dogs to be ‘pathetic.’ As you can imagine I speak my mind and what I said to her was this “Yes, D they are loving and loyal and dependent on us for care, so pathetic”.
The discusssion I was involved in was in response to a question I had as when I first got my dog Jasper and he would pee in the house due to some kind of stress (which I did not understand at the time) I would get angry and punish him by putting his nose in it, yelling and shaking him. I was pretty horrified at myself after the event but in my defence it occured after I was left alone with no support after having a sinus operation close to Christmas and happened on the carpet in my bedroom.
Anyway since that time I have learned not to punish my dog for these kind of things. It doesnt happen a lot these days but last week he did pee on the wooden flooring after a visit to the groomers where they cut him too close on the tummy and around his nether regions. I felt a bit upset I had not told the groomers not to cut him too close to the skin there, the point being that animals have deep feelings and are acutely sensitive. His peeing in the house the next morning was obviously a reaction to that. I do not punish him any more and know that when I did before it came out of how I was punished as a child.
In the post by Cynthia Rug which I will link to here, she was saying how expert dogs and cats are at reading ‘negative’ energy in humans. She also spoke of how they dont like bad language. I know my own dog Jasper winces whenever I get the shits with someone and use the F or S word or other expletives. He is such a gentle and kind dog although he can be a bit of an excited barker and do a lot of dancing around children who for some reason trigger him into skittishness and wariness, maybe due to their capacity for sudden or unpredictable movements. Also he has had to spend 5 years with an owner who has serious PTSD from accidents and witness daily panic attacks which often manifest in extreme neurological reactions at certain triggering times of day.
Anyway I know for myself how important to my healing having a pet has been for me. I consider my dog the closest being who expresses consistent love to me simply by his calm and gentle presence. I have been moved to more tears so many times when in the depths of dark despair he has just come to sit gently by my side or put his head quietly on my foot as I sit in a chair reading or writing.
If you are a dog lover and havent yet read it there is a beautiful book I read a few years after getting Japser called Dogs Never Lie About Love. In it the author Jeffrey Mason explains how much dogs thrive on love, how any time they misbehave its due to something going on with the owner, how to have a dog and not make a commitment to be there for it (as in being physically present) for significant parts of the day is actually a form of abuse. Dogs can be so healing for us especially because of this, they just want to be with you, they dont even need to speak to communicate the deepest things which if you are sensitive you can just read by staring into the depths of their extraordinary eyes. They remind us that part of us is also animal and that when we suffer its not just our mind but our heart and our body that takes part in the suffering too.
Also if you suffer from Complex PTSD or PTSD just having an animal around can be calming, you can learn a lot by watching how they react in terms of when their needs and boundaries are met and respected or not. And they will not pretend to be anything else, if they don’t feel comfortable with you they will let you know.
For myself I have learned so much from my dog Jasper and will always be grateful that 5 years ago I managed to overcome the fears and doubts my emotionally unavailable parents instilled in me about pets years ago (you wouldnt know how to look after an animal), yes well what about teaching me Mum and Dad? I am very lonely being left alone all afternoon after school now that my older sister has left home.
I can understand at one level where they were coming from but I had asked them if I could go to boarding school so I could be with other kids at that time and was told no, as my father would miss me too much. It might seem strange to ask to go to boarding school but I now know its due to the fact I suffered a lot of loneliness.
Anyway I have digressed there. I know the friends I have made at the dog park years ago where the ones who were there for me when I went through radiotherapy for breast cancer in 2016, I was sad to learn that one couple are leaving my home town with their dog Poppy this weekend and I will miss them. But what I have also learned is a fact that Ying Ying makes in her book on owning her dog Max Starting With Max the majority of dog owners are good, kind and caring human beings, they know how to be loyal and stand by you if they do the same for a pet, they may have known loneliness themselves and perhaps their ability to have a dog means they are willing to open up a heart full of love and care in order to have an animal share their lives, and what a deeply precious gift this relationship can be.
https://cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/narcissists-pets
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I couldn’t agree more! Firstly, I cannot be around people who talk about animals in a derogatory fashion. I have literally lost friends because of it.
Dogs are empathic creatures. They GET us. Their love is truly unconditional and I think the silent communication is essential to OUR growth as humans. We understand the world isn’t all about words and promises. We learn the importance of deeds, thanks to their example.
Great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can really relate to the losing friends issue. Most of my friends are dog lovers now and I could not tolerate a friend who was unkind to animals.
I wanted to share that once I stopped going to a writers group where one of the people said “well of course human are vastly superior to animals”. I just thought what ignorance tha showed for they are connected in a far deeper way to life and have so much to teach us, when we dismiss or abuse them it shows we are in arogant displaced huminoidsville… Which really gets my goat. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would have walked out of that writers group with you! But knowing me, I would have left my two cents with this individual before I left. I can’t help myself, lol.
Hey! Nice pun!
LikeLike
I love you for that. That woman deserved to be put in her place for her ignorance. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Peace and love to you
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this! It is so important to love your dog, even in moments of distress and I am so glad you learned to fix your actions! That is a sign of your character! Having a puppy makes it intense at times as they have a way of testing your patience; I actually just did a post about my dogs! You should check it out! Blessings!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will. Yes I am not the most patient of people, in fact in the AA parlance its probably one of my major ‘defects’. I am still learning about Jasper and working through my own anger/frustrations issues from not being seen and being emotionally neglected which takes some time and sometimes I see in Jasper how I was as a small child around my Mum who was a perfectionist. I will look for your post later. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww that’s okay💛 we are constantly works of art in progress 💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh how I miss my dog. He could read me. They just KNOW. Especially since he was a seizure alert dog he just knew me in all ways and was connected. I couldn’t be angry with anyone or he’d run off and hide. No one could raise their voices in the house. After they passed away we have been quite the cussing family. Maybe because of the anger of his loss and letting myself be angry or there is no monitor for us yelling but we never yell at each other for example a dropped plate would never have been yelled damnit but now it is.
I always knew if they peed in the house it was my fault for not letting them out enough or for not addressing an issue they had whether it was psychological or mental.
It always amazed me how much my mother was such a narcissist but was obsessed with her animals. It didn’t make sense to me
LikeLike
I can understand that about your Mum, Bethany as dogs represent the vulnerable self in a way and narcissists would project that rather than allow themselves to deeply feel it (at least that is my take on it.)
Jasper is exactly the same about swearing he looks at me with this look of (oh my I’m disapointed in you and those words ‘hurt’ I get impatient at times with slow pokes on the road which is when some of it comes out and he rides under my feet in the car on our ways to our walks).
Great to hear that others loose it with the swear words. I was watching a show this week and an expert on these matters were saying swearing is actually good for your health, but for sensitive animals its a bit too much as they just love unconditionally and dont have egos.
xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw cutie Jasper. Totally agree. I used to have a similarly coloured Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, loved him so much, was devastated when he got ill (was then eventually put down nearly 5 years ago now, but I still miss him). I almost hurt thinking of Finn – stupid as it sounds, the invisible golden retriever I would love to have – because I definitely think there’s a bond there, a relationship and a trust that can be so incredibly important. x
LikeLike
Oh Caz. I am so so sorry for your loss. Since my Mum died I remember every day to cherish Jasper as he is five now and who knows how things will go with him, and as I read somewhere he does not belong to me but is a gift from God. (which is dog spelt backward 🙂 ) on loan for a while to help me. Thanks so much for sharing with me about your spaniel. Lots of love and hugs Deborah ❤ <3.
LikeLike
I am sure you are well aware that I am a dog lover due to my many many posts about my dog Anna. 🙂 Dogs are so compassionate and their never ending love is priceless. I can lose my patience sometimes with Anna and maybe raise my voice and she just looks at me like, calm down mom lol.
LikeLike
🙂 Yep love those looks of theirs.
LikeLiked by 1 person