Can I be brave?

AAAAAAAAA

On the rise

A wave crests

Enfolding me within its wings of water

Carrying me upwards to the sky

Before it falls away

And I am tossed

Turning upside down

Not knowing when or where I will land

Now my troubled heart is beating

Rapidly in fits and starts

The wave is consciousness

Delivering me emergent from the solitude of sleep

Carrying me towards a day

Whose promise may be

Deeply hidden and remain unknown if

I cannot summon the energy and trust to waken

This surge is not familiar to me as friend

Enemy it became

As fears lied to me about a life

I was increasingly reluctant to enter

Based on a past

That brought plight

Now long years hence I ask why

And wonder if this long drawn out search for an answer

Extending over years is real

Or just my vain imagining

A useless occupation

In the end so much was taken and there is so much

That will never come again

Chances and opportunities squandered by my inability

To see around corners

Or trust the bending of time

Would lead in a benevolent direction

For both of us

So now I just surrender to the sunlight

Take down my laptop and ruminate

It is all too late

For anything but retrospect

But then just when I think