A blind eye

I say that I am ‘doing okay’

Whatever that means for me

That I can rise

Instead of staying all folded up inside

Like a piece of bad origami

That got caught in a rainstorm

But I know that often

When I least expect it

A wave appears

Part of the ocean I was running from

For most of my life

And when it hits me and I go under

I realise that I will never be okay

Because I will never have control of anything

No control over all the painful things that fell upon us like a leaden weight

Blindsiding light energy and hope

Leaving me wrecked and blighted on a foreign beach

No power over the whims of others

That pulled me too and fro

And most especially no control over a depth of desire

I learned over years to negate

Now turned towards things

That do not have the power to hurt me anymore

Some days I feel I am the blight on everything

That every curse that fell upon us

Somehow came from my own hand

But the truth is that

So long ago

I was rendered blind

I stumbled through

With only a savage fire in my heart to guide me

Until at last that fire was put out

And I stood there watching over

A pile of coals

Shedding tears of frustration

I wanted you to see so many things

But when the time came

You too

Were blind

So If I say that I am doing okay

Maybe its only because I have learned to rise

But does that mean I have triumphed over this adversity

Or just learned how

To turn a blind eye?