You are gone

It hit me full force tonight Mum You are gone And you are never coming back Just as Dad was gone 33 years ago tomorrow  I broke down this afternoon The ground was the only place that seemed real to me and could give me comfort  I am sick of flying above it

Jasper sat with me and I saw the look of love in his eyes as my tears flowed He loved visits to your place He would rush to the elevator like a locomotive Hoping for a liver treat He would lay under your feet While we shared a cup of tea We will never do that again

I really am missing you tonight And there is no one to tell I am all alone I really am Email from friend in South Africa says how bad she feels to be so far away I thought she was home this week Not until 30 Jan

Maybe this is just the way it is I was alone all those years ago when Dad passed And death makes you feel so distant anyway From everyone Whose lives death is not touching just now

Dusk is growing Oven hums Somehow I am finding the energy to eat To make a meal So things could be worse

There is really never anyone who looks on you The same way a mother does Who cares as much as a mother does So its hard to be alone For now you are an orphan And now you must be to yourself both mother and father For the hard truth is : they are never coming back