Home : Haunting : True Self : Connection : Struggle

Home – A place of freedom and safety Where I can be with my true Self

If there be demons haunting its four walls What dialogue can I make with them? How did they assume that form?

What pain are they carrying and trying to speak of and make known to me?  Do I have the courage to learn from them?

Demons did at one point plague my waking hours They consisted not only of inner voices that were not mine But ideas that I absorbed telling me I was not okay Or that I was confused about what I felt or intuited or ‘knew’

Turning against my Self My demons turned me against me Perhaps also against you

Finding my own way home Finding a way to tell the demons “NO!’  Well that has been a journey

In childhood we were told to say “Yes” to almost anything Even when it hurt and was not good for us And so we were dis-empowered in some way Turned against our inner reality and true nature

The only way of healing lies in this To know that who we are, what we feel, and what we need are true real authentic genuine

Our genuine authentic self knows the truth

Emotional invalidation lies to us We are told often the way to completion lies outside of ourselves But really it lies deep within

Only when we have made a true authentic connection with our selves Can we make one with anyone else And only if they are genuine and authentic too can it be real

Struggle 

My search for self hood is defined not only by how well I am able to acquire new knowledge, but how well I am able to struggle.  Selfhood comes with my ability to sit with deeper and deeper levels of what I already “know” but am not fully conscious of, and my willingness to tolerate the intensity of rigorous self honesty. I need, in a sense, to pass through a smaller self in order to move into a larger self; to take a leap of faith, a free fall into my own nothingness, my soul, or that within me that is without time, place circumstance, that within me that is eternal, infinite and somehow concerned with a source of energy beyond me.  When I can struggle with my own pain, I can sort out the distortions and illusion that keep me from seeing clearly.  Like cleaning the dust from a window so that I can see through it, I will clean the dust from my mind so I can see through it to the truth of the soul.

I am willing to struggle