Toxic affects of emotional neglect, parental self absorption and narcissism.

Here is a list of unconscious behaviors and traits we develop in the situation of chronic emotional neglect or if we were raised by self absorbed or narcissistic parents :

Developing self destructive defence mechanisms which inclued, displacement, repression of feeling and effects, denial of affect, withdrawal and isolation, projection and addictions (destructive self soothing defences.)

Acting against the self due to the fact you have absorbed negative perceptions of yourself and taken them into your self which manifests in :

• self blame,
• despair (pereceiving you are inauthetic or flawed, unable to help yourself),
• hopelessness (aligned to despair but more to do with the feeling you cannot improve things or help yourself),
• helplessness (not knowing what to do or say, not being able to act to assert in the face of injustice, or prevent abusive acts against the self, repeating similar mistakes),
• Devaluing the self
• Overvaluing the self (as a compensation including never admitting mistakes, feeling that others are to blame for your mistakes, failing to accept responsibility, defending, rationalising, minimising negative attributes, jealousy, envy or contempt, feelings of entitlement, seeking attention, boasting or bragging.)
• Acts against others
• Blaming
• Acting out
• Taking advantage
• Making unreasonable demands
• Devaluing or deaming others (sarcasm, put downs, criticism, pointing out incompetence, failure to show respect, ignoring or overlooking others.)
• Denial or fantasy bonding (failure to see the reality either of your parents or you own responses.

Part of the 12 step modality of recovery in overcoming both addictions, adult child issues as well as other manifestations of narcissistic wounding involves a fourth step ‘inventory” of character defects.  The list above  may be helpful to such a process of developing a deepening understanding into toxic lingering effects of unengaged parenting.  In the next post are I will share eight strategies to help detoxify ourselves from such negative effects.

Please note that the above information comes from Nina Brown’s book Children of the Self Absorbed : A Grown Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents.