To hold on, or to let go?

I am facing a big decision at the moment.  I am considering letting my therapy go.  Its not a dummy spit at my therapist for not being there on Saturday, I understand why that happened but it does relate to a lack of depth of understanding I am feeling from her side and from the fact I feel we are both stuck in roles her ‘the therapist’ and me ‘the patient’, that is all well and good but its also problematic if you have read any of the vast work of Alice Miller, who chose to stop being a therapist herself due to the inherent limitations she saw in the role.

I went to session yesterday and we worked through everything that happened over the weekend in an adult way.  But there was a problem for me in terms of my needs,  versus hers.   I always buckle under in this situation but lately I don’t want to.  I wrote a post yesterday which I didn’t post as it was astrological in tone about the passing out transiting Mars Pluto square that became exact around the time I had a conflict with my brother on Saturday.   I then had the clash with Katina and this square is about a battle of wills and power struggles. At this time Mars the planet of self assertion is in what astrologers call its detriment.  It is placed in the sign its ruling planet sign naturally opposes.  Mars natrually rules Aries and Libra the opposing sign is ruled by Venus planet of relationships, ‘being nice’, doing the civil thing.  I am well aware of that Libran vibe it rules my chart in a massive undertone due to the fact I have a lot of planets in the house it naturally rules- the 7th and my South Node is there too but its the placement of our limiting soul tendency which can hold us back.  My North Node is in Leo in the Mars ruled first house.  So I feel in this case I do have to ‘fight’ but not in a messy way.  The fight has to be clean and I cannot attempt to impose my will on anyone but must check into my heart to do what my instinctive ‘gut’ (Mars) feels right.  I was so pulled around after the session yesterday it was difficult to get up today.  I dont want to go back into that collapsed powerless place again.

I have thought of asking for a break instead of making a complete break at this stage.  Believe me I have undergone years of various therapy and I just believe there comes a time of letting go when adult me needs to step up.  I needed to write about it today in order to solidify my thoughts.  I am not exactly asking for feedback but if anyone has anything to share about when they were ready to let go of external therapy or a therapist I would be glad to know.  Its not an easy decision and I will miss Katina a lot.  I have come to love her as a person and not just a therapist.  But sometimes, in order to grow we have to cut the strings and leave the womb.