Understanding how we and why we may use anger as a defence mechanism.

I am mid way through a very helpful book written by therapist Richard Stosny on understanding emotions and emotional defence mechanisms which often work to block the very connection we seek when attempting to understand, recover from and over come past childhood hurts that still hijack us well into our later adult life.   Often these defence mechanisms, especially anger and criticism are used by us to unconsciously ward off deeper anxieties or painful low self esteem and they can end up damaging our ability to attach and relate to others.

I just came across an excellent article on the subject of how anger can be used in this way and I notice he references the work of Richard Stosny in this article.  I think it may be of help to others so am posting it here.

Recovering our ability to self assert and know that we have value is intrinsic to our recovery though and often we may have to feel intense anger in the initial stages of our recovery and then work to find ways to express it less destructively or in a more consciously controlled adult way, instead of being triggered into age regresssion, historical anger and rage or the ‘toddler brain’ because really we feel powerless.   Its a complex subject and think that in this article which links to some others he manages to explain how anger can often be a tip of the iceberg phenomena that we may need to melt to get to a softer side of our tender hearts.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/what-your-anger-may-be-hiding