Unfortunately dissociation is so easy for those of us who have been traumatized.
So do you think that’s the equivalent to closing the heart to things we don’t want to feel?
Thanks for asking me. Sometimes we may also choose to close our heart because its so painful to feel a feeling. But we have to face it at some stage as feelings dont get away and they can get buried and masquerade as other feelings? Hope that makes sense I am still learning myself.
Perhaps. I am not totally sure. I am trying to write a post on this at the moment. How do we feel painful feelings without being destroyed by them? WE may shut down the heart to self protect and thats part of dissociation isnt it? Its very complex.
It does seem to be complex. I couldn’t even explain what I do when I dissociate. It’s not like I become a different person or anything. It’s more like a numbing effect. Kind of like what happens when someone goes into shock.
Yes, I understand, its so beyond words. Its a being state or even non being state so hard to explain. Is that always in response to a trigger or just a state you find yourself in a lot?
I used to numb much more than I do now. I’m in DBT at the moment and have been learning about ways to feel without the need to escape. And even before I started that I would say that I’d dialed back on the numbing and escaping because I’d realized that’s what I’d been doing, usually in the form of drinking and indulging in mary jane. I’m down to food now and working on that.
The dissociation other than that can come in the form of distraction and avoidance too but I’m getting better at dealing with that as well. Work in progress. 🙂
Sounds like you are making a lot of progress. The DBT must be so helpful. I have never been to a DBT therapist but I have read about it and pracitised it from a book. Yep… works in progress, we wont stop learning until we die. 🙂
I am thankful that I finally found a group and individual therapist.
I’d been talking the trauma out since I was in my 20s (off and on) with therapists and still struggling into my 50s.
That is just unacceptable to me.
I was actually told by my DBT therapist that DBT is meant to get the emotions regulated so that working through trauma is a little easier and more doable so the person working through it can self-regulate and self-soothe without doing harm, like so many trauma survivors do.
Makes complete sense to me. I feel like I was putting the cart before the horse now, but makes sense why it had been so difficult, besides not having the right therapist.
I understand why and how therapy can help but I don’t think it’s enough for trauma and I don’t believe I should be dependent on a therapist forever. That’s a judgement, but it’s also the way I feel.
I read stories on blogs where some survivors have been in therapy for years, even decades and still don’t seem to have made any real progress, not enough to go on with life without therapy. It’s scary and sad and something I think is a serious problem with psychology.
Yes, you have made a really valid point. I appreciate my therapist a lot but she has never given me coping skills which is why I looked by myself into mindfulness and I bought the book on Mindfulness for BPD though my therapist says I dont have BPD in her opinion. With of this we have to find what works for us, often over a long period in which we make lots of mistakes. Its sounds that you are now using what works for you and that is wonderful.
I almost bought that book. It’s probably still in my wishlist on Amazon. But since I found the group I figured I better just follow the group. I tried a couple times to do some DBT on my own and it was too difficult for me to get organized. I hope it is helping you. I don’t think you need to have BPD to benefit from it either.
Oh yes so true. When pain is too acute shock and numbness exist but when the time is right the Heart will address what is at stake. Beautiful quote, Deborah. Thank you! 💝
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Unfortunately dissociation is so easy for those of us who have been traumatized.
So do you think that’s the equivalent to closing the heart to things we don’t want to feel?
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Just want to add, I know you didn’t write this, but since you posted it, I thought I’d ask your opinion on that.
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Thanks for asking me. Sometimes we may also choose to close our heart because its so painful to feel a feeling. But we have to face it at some stage as feelings dont get away and they can get buried and masquerade as other feelings? Hope that makes sense I am still learning myself.
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Dissociation helps us to survive until we are ready to face what was too painful to face.
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Perhaps. I am not totally sure. I am trying to write a post on this at the moment. How do we feel painful feelings without being destroyed by them? WE may shut down the heart to self protect and thats part of dissociation isnt it? Its very complex.
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It does seem to be complex. I couldn’t even explain what I do when I dissociate. It’s not like I become a different person or anything. It’s more like a numbing effect. Kind of like what happens when someone goes into shock.
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Yes, I understand, its so beyond words. Its a being state or even non being state so hard to explain. Is that always in response to a trigger or just a state you find yourself in a lot?
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I used to numb much more than I do now. I’m in DBT at the moment and have been learning about ways to feel without the need to escape. And even before I started that I would say that I’d dialed back on the numbing and escaping because I’d realized that’s what I’d been doing, usually in the form of drinking and indulging in mary jane. I’m down to food now and working on that.
The dissociation other than that can come in the form of distraction and avoidance too but I’m getting better at dealing with that as well. Work in progress. 🙂
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Sounds like you are making a lot of progress. The DBT must be so helpful. I have never been to a DBT therapist but I have read about it and pracitised it from a book. Yep… works in progress, we wont stop learning until we die. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am thankful that I finally found a group and individual therapist.
I’d been talking the trauma out since I was in my 20s (off and on) with therapists and still struggling into my 50s.
That is just unacceptable to me.
I was actually told by my DBT therapist that DBT is meant to get the emotions regulated so that working through trauma is a little easier and more doable so the person working through it can self-regulate and self-soothe without doing harm, like so many trauma survivors do.
Makes complete sense to me. I feel like I was putting the cart before the horse now, but makes sense why it had been so difficult, besides not having the right therapist.
I understand why and how therapy can help but I don’t think it’s enough for trauma and I don’t believe I should be dependent on a therapist forever. That’s a judgement, but it’s also the way I feel.
I read stories on blogs where some survivors have been in therapy for years, even decades and still don’t seem to have made any real progress, not enough to go on with life without therapy. It’s scary and sad and something I think is a serious problem with psychology.
Ok ranting now, I’m done. Lol.
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Yes, you have made a really valid point. I appreciate my therapist a lot but she has never given me coping skills which is why I looked by myself into mindfulness and I bought the book on Mindfulness for BPD though my therapist says I dont have BPD in her opinion. With of this we have to find what works for us, often over a long period in which we make lots of mistakes. Its sounds that you are now using what works for you and that is wonderful.
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I almost bought that book. It’s probably still in my wishlist on Amazon. But since I found the group I figured I better just follow the group. I tried a couple times to do some DBT on my own and it was too difficult for me to get organized. I hope it is helping you. I don’t think you need to have BPD to benefit from it either.
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Much better to do it in a group, really. I am always reading as I have such a solitary life. 🙂
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Oh yes so true. When pain is too acute shock and numbness exist but when the time is right the Heart will address what is at stake. Beautiful quote, Deborah. Thank you! 💝
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Yes, I loved it when I found it too, Amy. He has some great quotes dear Johnny. Trusting our heart’s truth is so important. Much love ❤
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