The critic doesn’t want to let me alone

I had a really good day yesterday.  I even wrote a post about it, which (of course) I did not post as the critic said it smacked too much of self congratulation and he hates me thinking well of myself.  In it I spoke of how much self care I had practiced over the weekend.  I spent a lot of it working in the garden, but of course by this afternoon the criitic was back on my case again giving me a hammering.

I am thinking of how much the critic and the negative ‘ego’ or possibily ‘super ego’ mind are one and the same.  This inner voice doesnt really like it when we are loving to ourselves.  It seems so often to be intent on pointing our out flaws.  It loves to inject fear and doubt into us when we are doing something positive to reach forward.  It often tries to cut off new ventures at the knees.  Often it can come at us from others when we dare to share about some positive change we are planning on making.  We get thrown worst case or be careful scenarios.

In my own life I have been trying to keep a close eye and ear tuned to this voice for some time in order to differentiate when it is on the scene.  I am becoming aware that at any time there are at least two points of view or ways of thinking about things and there is also the issue of what our mind magnifies or chooses to shine a spot light on at any particular moment.   I noticed over the weekend when I was undertaking work to tackle the mess and jungle of tangle that has overgrown the back yard over past months that my thinking ‘monkey’ mind was running all of the time.  I was aware to tell myself “this is a big project and you are not going to get it sorted in one day or even a few days.  Even if it takes you as long as month, even if you just do an hour a day you are going to get this into a better state if you just keep you focus on what you can do in this time frame and dont over extend yoruself”.   The alternative way it could of played out would have been negative fearful ego mind telling me how much there was to do and how impossible it was going to be and how hard it was.

The end result for now (which is just a mid term result as there is still heaps to do) is that I ended the weekend feeling a lot better about everything.  I worked when I could and rested when I could.  I remembered to breathe as I was working.  I remembered to eat.   remembered to stop and get a drink.  As I look at it I set good boundaries with myself and practiced self care.  I’m also proud of what I got done.  I know my worth in no way rests on my achievements but I did find taking action and getting my physical energy moving really helped me to feel better on the weekend.  I am no longer so disengaged and depressed as I was and that is no small thing.  Its tempting not to share these positive achievements but I am going to today.  I can so often focus on the negative but I am coming to realise there is so much that is positive in this world.  And so much of how we feel depends on what kind of light we shine on events.   I am not speaking of repressing or denying harsh or necessary truths but of being able to focus on what positive thing or strengths such events can bring into our lives.