Tender blessings

When I was born

The one

You all loved

Was slipping away

Death stole in

And quietly took

The man who gave you shelter

Memory of the hospital bed

Where you placed my basinette

Is buried

But I feel the deeper imprint

In my bones

The quiet silence of loss

That threaded its way

Around the perimeter o

Of our lives

Stealing in

Through porous spaces

Inundating one

So tender and young

Whose only reality

Was open feeling

And so I sensed

The tide come in

To claim another soul

Who briefly adored

And showed me love

Nothing was ever secure

And I was always aware

That the ground I stood on

Was shaky

No matter how firm you tried

To make it

That ghost of insecurity hovered

And it was my constant companion

So that when later traumas struck

It was almost too much to bear

I only knew

The tide was coming in

To wipe away

Nearly everything

October brings

Memories of a second chance

With my love

But I was so young

So unaware

November

Brings the memory of a death sentence

And December

Is the fragile sobriety I reached for

When age old patterns o

Of loss and distance

Threatened to capsize us both

The tide was too great for us

We both knew grief

And it was I who was set

On a path of healing

But then I forgot

That you suffered too

All alone

Time shows us things

We cannot see

When we are immersed

Within our feelings

And have not yet travelled

Far enough or deeeply enough

Into wisdom and suffering

To gain a clearer glimpse of truth

That lies obscured

October

November

December

I so long for you to be now

No longer only

Wilderness memory

Of all that was lost

I want you to hold also

A promise of love

A deeper knowing

That grief is the price we pay

For keeping our

Hearts wide open

Or taking the tender risk

To trust in life again

Closing ours selves up

Can only protect us for so long

For a heart is designed

To embrace the truth

And fully surrender

To the force of love

Whose destination is insecure

For love is

An uncertain tide

That asks us not to hide

But rather ride it

So now as dusk falls

Let there be both memory and gratitude

Awareness of all that was lost

But also a growing understanding

Of the cost

Of holding back

These tender blessings

And the fragile hope

That wholehearted courage

Will enable us to embrace

The tender blessing

That remain.