Three good things

I was asked in my last trauma body work session by the therapist to notice three good things in my body.  She said it was a sign of growth after the session ended that I regulated myself and listened into my self but was able to notice the beautiful texture of the cushion she had given me to cuddle and hold during the table work.  What is good about this is that trauma can and does make everything seem painful and ‘bad’.  If its a body trauma which hurt our flesh those sensations of being hurt and pierced can live on and then take the focus away from good sensations.

Today when I awoke even though I was flooded with pain sensations I was aware there were good sensations too.  I noticed the sun was shining.  I kept breathing into my heart even though it felt like each cell in my chest was on fire.  I managed to eat some fruit and then did some pottering in the garden.  I then managed to eat a slice of toast with bacon and some yoghurt.   Later I managed to drive to the park and walk with Jasper down to the lake, we had to stop a few times as my energy level is still low following the flu, on the way back we stopped in the cool grass I took my shoes off and felt the lovely healing energy of the soft grass.  That was sensation number two that gave me pleasure.  We got back to the car after a few stops on park benches and then I drove to get a salad and a cup of coffee which I came home and drank very very weak with some extra hot milk and water.  I then sat and read my book on writing from the body and wrote several poems.

Today I am celebrating these small achievements.  I had a lovely call from my Mum and there was not a harsh or discordant note during the call.  She is getting outside help to help her with shopping which she can no longer carry and other house work as she is concerned that the burden does not fall to my sister and I.  I think that is partly a kind thing, partly that she doesn’t want to be a source of bother which in some way saddens me.  I was grateful for what my Mum did give me over the time I was sick.  Even though getting shopping and bringing it over could have meant she caught what I had she did it anyway out of love  That is a third good thing.

Today I am keeping my focus on what doesn’t hurt me.  I am noticing three little things that were good.  This is to defeat the traumatised part of me that tells me nothing good can happen any more, that all is fucked.   I no longer want that voice and force to dominate my life and so on each day I write my blog I will notice three good things.   And the fourth that beautiful people out there read and reach out to me.   Lucky me!