Blown Apart

When I was on the formative brink

So much got blown apart

Schrapnel wounds lodged in my soul

Where connection and relationship

Were designed to live

Leaving a schism

A huge divide

That I could not navigate across

Alone here in the approaches

Demons and depression dogged my waking life

Was I awake or asleep?

Consciousness cast over with a fog

Long years alone in a wilderness

Or existing behind opaque glass

While all along true life carried on

So far from me

I was paralysed

By so much fear

That was unconscious but known to body

 That now I cry with the realisation

My entire being an ocean

Liquid

Rain

Wisdom knowing

Birthed from pain

Rising up in me like a torrent

Thank you God, though

For this freedom to finally feel

The fullness of it

We lost so much

But now

I feel my heart

Opening like a flower

Because life is not yet over

I surrender and let go

What is gone forever

And remember how precious is was

To taste that sweetness for a time

And realise that such sweetness

Lives on in this precious moment

When I chose

Both life and love