Little girl, where did you go?

Little girl

Where did you go?

From the age of 3

You knew what it was to feel a hole

When the sister you loved, left

You were not really old enough to understand

The ways of the adult world

And the one who championed and protected you was gone

Mother couldn’t be there

Not really

Who you were

For her felt like a kind of inconvenience

And her gaze was turned away

Toward the outer world

To her marriage

And within herself

Where could you go

But into inner fantasy

With a deep loneliness and frustration that burned

But desire was there too

Deep in the centre of it

It wasn’t all bad

And now

You must learn to trust

That thwarted desire is not wrong

But can be misrepresented, misplaced

Now you are no longer a child

Oh no?

Yes you still are, darling

But there is here with you now

An adult self

Who is finally beginning to understand

All the ways you got lost

All the ways you tried to find

To stop feeling

In the midst of the most painful shit going down

When no one was there

You learned only ways to gravitate

Around bigger suns

Who took all of the light

And all of your longing and power

Led into deep despair

Depression and grieving

For all the things lost

You could never know

Until now

Know sweet darling

That each tear you cry

Leads you closer home

Each anger you feel

Is a deeper message

Of your life spirit’s blood returning

A red rose

Born from ashes

No longer bleached white

Together we can find

The lost child within

Who holds the key to redemption

A child who needs s0 desperately

Your tenderness

Protection

Mercy

Understanding

Guidance

And care