It’s always summer somewhere

I had a strong realisation as I was working away in the garden this afternoon.  It occurred to me that summer was the time my father died and that summer then became eclipsed by winter, winter in my soul since I never got to say goodbye and his death was sudden, winter in England where I went a short time after to a dismal room in a barren hostel where day after day I wandered the streets knowing no one, watching movies, shopping and going to galleries.  I can barely bare to feel how empty that time was for the young me on the brink of adulthood with all the tragedy and drama and loss that had gone on for 5 years before with no one to turn to, no familiar faces, no hand to hold, no place to express the confusion and deep grief and emptiness.

Well that time has passed now and here we are in the midst of summer around the same time of year but the memories are there.  They came to me in the garden which was the place my Dad always found peace at the end of the day.  My heart is not in winter every day anymore.  Today I enjoyed some simple pleasures, walking with Jasper in the park, having my morning coffee, going for a lovely swim and feeling the healing power of the water calm my body.  Feeling these simple pleasures gave me gratitude that I have survived so many winters literally and metaphorically and as my grief rose up like a wave and then passed the following words came to me :

Its always summer somewhere

Even when you are in the depths of despair

The summer is still living

In the shadows

Of that pain that loss

And it will come again

Although all seems barren

Don’t stay forever in the hurting place

Reach for what warms you and heals you

And remember

It is always summer somewhere

And in the midst

Of even the darkest winter and despair

Believe

That in time

If you have the courage

To embrace your feelings

And accept the painful truths

In time

Summer will come again.