Maturity

Maturity it seems to me is not a given, it is something that is gained through developing insight, especially if we were not raised in homes with adequate tools to develop self insight, capacity to develop the ability to understand, contain and work through complex feelings, especially in relation to complex and traumatic things happening.

There seems to me to be lovely sense of wholeness around this word, in the sense of something that has grown and developed which can support us to live lives less fraught by stress, despair and tension, especially if we came out of homes affected by addiction.

On this note I have just read something on the subject in an Al Anon book : Living With Sobriety : Another Beginning which I got a lot out of and felt the urge to share.  It seemed timely.

Today I am my own mother and father.  Being mature asks me to be for myself, what most parents are for their children.  I think mature people make the best partners, and most of the people I know who live happily with other people have discovered several mature attitudes :

They have the willingness and grace to offer each other courtesy, kindness and acceptance;

they are not crushed by the weight of each other’s moods or depressions;

they resist the temptations to offer solutions for their loved one’s problems, or make decisions for them;

they do not depend on each other for emotional stability;

they make allowances for each other’s interests and hobbies;

they share their belongings, responsibilities and freedom to express their feelings, trust, time and effort, and comfortable silences;

they are happy being together or being by themselves;

they are not trying to be all things to all people.

I look back to my own relationships and see where I struggled when the above freedoms were not given by or to either party.  And I also know that in going through these experiences and the pain that resulted I learned some hard lessons.  Today I wish to have this kind of maturity in my life.