I am working hard to keep in alignment with my flow and good at present. Life has been very twisty and turny since getting out of hospital on the 12th of May. I have managed to keep myself active and positive while also concentrating on releasing fear and stress while noticing when these start to become obvious. I seem to be surrendering more though I know I still have major issue with trust and self trust and truth. In my birth chart the planet of perception Mercury is in the airy sign of Aquarius that also relates to the seeking of wisdom but it is retrograde or backwards in conjunction or the same sign and close to Venus planet of relationships, Sun the planet of self and Jupiter the planet of expansion but at times excess along with the South Node that represents old patterns we are moving away from. All planets are in the seventh house of relationships and in square to natal Neptune in the third house of mind and siblings in the intense emotional sign of Scorpio. This was where my mother had a conjunction of the planet Sun Mercury and Saturn which tends to restrict and intensify the sign it is placed in qualites, With Pluto in Cancer Mum had not been mothered well as a youngster and she lacked that good fatherly guidance and protection due to losing her father at the square to that placement at the age of 7. As a result I see that I as well as all of my sibliings struggled with self nurturing and my second sister most especially with Saturn placed in the same sign of Scorpio as my Mum. Lately when we speak I find her negativity and lack of self advocacy to be quite distressing and it is sadly clear to me where her own fears of lack and reinforcement of lack has not been helping her and has also led her to have several accidents. Saturn especially relates to fear and it also has been transiting in her chart over her Sun and Venus in Pisces (emotional sensitivity absorbed collectively and ancestrally) in square to the planet of will, agency and power Mars in Sagittarius.
Today I also noticed some negative self talk slipping in in relation to some choices I made in my past. I even got a tummy ache as the thoughts started spiralling, I then sat on the bed and broke a pair of magnifying glasses by sitting on them. This also distressed. I had not been in such a negative pattern for some days so I decided to try and interupt the cycle by getting out to get petrol and a nice cup of coffee which I then bought home and then began to share some positive affirmations on self care and bodily health choices by Louise Hay in my blog. I find lately that keeping this emphasis on the positive helps me and sharing these thoughts with others who are on a similar path is naturally something I love to do with that collection of planets in my seventh house.
Venus and Mars are now transiting at about 16 and 19 degrees of the opposing sign of Leo which is my first house and close to the ascendant and North Node. To me this meeting of Venus and Mars with my North Node in the sign of self love and authentic Self shows me I can use the loving wisdom bringing influences of the Aquarian planets into myself and also share them and in so doing my own heart energy (Leo and the Sun) expands and deepens. But I am also seeing where the tendency to undermine myself (Neptune squares) can pull me back and into a negative emotional vortex (Scorpio/Pluto influence with Neptune). When this happens I need to work hard to turn it around. And I also need to see where fear is operating as opposed to love. This love does not need to be a naive love, it needs to be a grounded love, fully grounded in my flow of spirit as well as a loving connection to my body as the vessel of my spirit. All love can only come from a loving body with a spirit that is in flow and open to the breath, not closed off in breathlessness due to fear. This connection between spirituality and breath or inner connection and flow as opposed to fear/suffocation was one eloquently made my Padraig O Tuama the other day in a podcast I shared with followers. Padraig said that he beleived the opposite of spirituality was not secularism but suffocation, something so deeply related to shame and fear of old patriarchal world views.
When I open to my breath I open to my spirit. When I close down my breath I close down my energy in fear and often doubt as well. I begin then to second guess myself and not trust and then I start to lose my loving connection to both source and grounded bodily spiritual energy. Finding places of peace where the air flows is so important. Being close to nature is where I can take a free breath. Opening to walk and run happily with Jasper helps me so much. That is my next step for today now after my morning coffee and blog sharing. It is part of a loving routine I set up for myself each day. Yesterday we got a delayed walk due to losing Jasper’s collar the day before. This delay was also set up by some fears which I will share about with you in another post.
I am seeing more and more that on any day I have so many choices to make out of either love or fear. My ongoing practice as Venus enters its shadow phase before turning retrograde on July 23 will be to keep seeing the ways both fear and love have operated in my life to either open me up or shut me down from being open to the natural life flow of love, peace, joy, happiness, resilience and spiritual energy in my life. (Mars, Sun and Jupiter)
Emerging From The Dark Night 