Handling Anger : Moving towards difficulty

I find these pieces of writing on patience and anger from Pema Chodron very wise and helpful. They are taken from the book The Pocket Pema Chodron.

WHEN ANGER ARISES, REMEMBER TO PAUSE

When you feel like a keg of dynamite just about to go off, patience means just slowing down at that point- just pausing – instead of immediately acting upon your habitual response. You refrain from acting, stop talking to yourself, and connect with the soft spot. But at the same time you are completely and totally honest with yourself about what you are feeling. You’re not suppressing anything; patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact, it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself.

If you wait and don’t fuel the rage with your thoughts, you can be very honest about the fact that you long for revenge; nevertheless you keep interrupting the torturous storyline and stay with the underlying vulnerability. That frustration, that uneasiness and vulnerability is nothing solid. And yet it is painful to experience. Still, just wait and be patient with your anguish and with the discomfort of it. This means relaxing with the restless, hot energy – knowing that it’s the only way to find peace for ourselves or the world.

MOVING TOWARD WHAT IS DIFFICULT

We are told from childhood that there is something wrong with us, with the world, and with everything that comes along: it’s not perfect, it has a bitter taste, it’s too loud, too soft, too sharp, too wishy washy. We cultivate a sense of trying to make things better, because something is bad here, something is a mistake here, something is a problem here. The main point of the Buddhist teachings is to dissolve the dualistic struggle, our habitual tendency to struggle against what’s happening to us, or in us. These teachings instruct us to move towards difficulties rather than backing away. We don’t get this kind of encouragement very often.

Everything that occurs is not only usable and workable, but is actually the path itself. We can use everything that happens to us as the means for waking up. We can use everything that occurs – whether its our conflicting emotions and thoughts or our seemingly outer situation – to show us where we are asleep and how we can wake up completely, utterly, without reservations.