The measure of our anxiety is related to both our distance from our true self and also from the absorbing of false beliefs about the self, namely that we are not okay as we are or that we fall short in some way or must find a sense of meaning outside of ourselves rather than through closeness to our soul which inwardly contains a fountaion of love, joy, peace and wisdom when we choose to draw close to it.
What we come to believe about ourselves based on attunement or the lack of comes to be true for us, additionally learning to seek approval while not being authentic entraps us in patterns and also twists us up inside, increasing feelings of stress, depression and anxiety. Additionally, being forced into a role or a persona not true to our real self will never bring us true joy, contentment or peace and is often fuelled by false thought about our true worth and sense of what brings us joy and meaning.
Low self esteem comes from lack of self love and if we were not treated lovingly as children we may find it almost impossible to love ourselves and yet changing this pattern is possible. The measure of our distance from self love and self acceptance is the measure of our lack of life energy and our fear of being truly alive. After my recent hospitalization I see this more and more. At no time was my inner pain really understood, it was up to me to understand it. The shock treatment did get me walking again, but I guess what i learned most was that being myself was the only way out, respecting myself, loving myself, being myself, trusting my own body to show me the way
Lately I find a lot of wisdom and truth and draw so much comfort from the words below (appearing in italics) of Louise Hay extracted from her book, love yourself, heal your life WORKBOOK.
Everyone that I know or have worked with is suffering from self hatred or guilt to one degree or another. “I am not good enough, I do not do enough, or I don’t deserve this“, are common complaints……resentment, criticism, guilt, and fear cause the most problems. These feelings come from blaming others and not taking responsibility for our own experiences.
As Louise points out in one of her online talks when we focus on blame we are relating from a position of shame and guilt which increases both thoughts of pain and punishment of both self and others. To counter this attitude of blame we can instead learn to love ouselves through our negativity by recognizing the fear that fuels it and instead acting from a position of love, tenderness and gentleness as well as kindness to our self and others.
The truth is that even if we were hurt in the past and so come to internalize the pain and lack of self love, that reaction, response and way of being is now our responsibility to change or heal and no one outside of us alone, can do that for us. In the end we cannot blame others for our experience, if we fail to take responsibility to change, especially our thoughts around self-belief, love and acceptance that gre out of experiences as our experience is not us if we do not personalize and internalize it, it is just an experience..
Feelings of inadequacy start with negative thoughts that we have about our selves. However those thoughts have no power over us unless we act upon them. Thoughts are only words strung together. They have no meaning whatsoever. Only WE give meaning to them. We give meaning to them by focusing on negative messages over and over again in our minds.
In addition we can release old patterns and beliefs by becoming willing to do so and by affirming the following:
I release the pattern in my consciousness that is creating resistance to my good. I deserve to feel good.
Goodness comes from feeling whole and enough inside, it comes from self love, knowing we deserve the good and acting to nurture our self soul and body.
Additionally, often when we find ourselves in fearful and anxious states we have chosen to abandon our inner child and abandon our need for joy and fun. If we were criticized as a child we internalize that criticism and as a form of self protection that over time becomes self negation. Loving our inner child and connecting to those things that bring our IC a sense of joy, life and fun is a great way to overcome anxiety and depression.
Ask yourself this question. What can I do that is fun for me? What would bring me happiness and joy today?
Some things that bring our IC happiness may be singing and dancing, swinging on a swing, playing at the beach, climbing a tree, today for example I went out and bought my IC some colorful stickers of butterflies and colored papers to make book marks and cards.
Another way to overcome anxiety is to focus on those things that we are most grateful for. Usually these things are the simple joys in life. It may be a connection with a friend. It may be where we live, it may be nature. Concentrating on thoughts of thankfulness and gratitude increase positive feelings and feelings of abundance, it takes our focus off lack.
In addition the use of affirmations can help us to change negative anxious thoughts and beliefs to positive ones. Below are some examples from Louise’s book.
I am anxious all of the time I am at peace
I am frightened of people Loving others is easy when I love and
and accept myself
My loneliness is intense I am present for myself with tenderness and love.
I am safe.
I have difficulty expressing myself It is safe to express my feelings
I can’t focus on anything My inner vision is clear and unclouded
I can’t assert myself I love who I am and I assert my power wisely.
I feel like a failure My life is a success.
I can’t relax I give myself permission to relax.
On a final note difficulty with relaxing often comes from feeling we need to be constantly doing to prove ourself, it is often also a manifestation of some of the four F responses to trauma where we get trapped in fear, flight or fight. These feelings come from feeling unsafe and also feeling fear. Some counterbalance affirmations are the following:
I love myself All is well I am safe The universe supports me
Feeling unsafe is often about the traumatic past not the reality of a peaceful present which we must work hard to keep reminding ourselves is where we now really do live and can choose to experience by not constantly stressing ourselves with fearful thoughts of being either unsafe or not good enough.
Emerging From The Dark Night 