Living fully awake and alive in this precious present moment is so freeing and as I look back after finishing psychotherapy around the time of my breakdown, I see that possibly the breakdown was necessary for me to see the ways in which endlessly focusing on the past was holding me back. Today I can recognize that I do have the power to be both happy and free and that maintenance of that kind of joyful spiritual connection in and to the present moment means I am also sensually awake and alive to the bodily experience of this world, rather than trapped in my negative thoughts or numbed out and/or dissociated. I am finding a kind of magic in this. A freedom to be and do what brings me happiness and joy instead of focusing on past pain that only kept me trapped.
I can also live more simply and uncomplicated when I just allow this moment to be. I can enjoy the simple things, the flight of a bird whizzing past me, the feel of the sun’s warmth and energy on my skin, the soft touch of Jasper’s fur and I am less likely to be agitated when I see him doing things that he needs to do to try and meet a need or perhaps express some of the anxiety he may be sensing within me when I am anxious as I was yesterday over the effect of some of the medications upon me.
The following reading also spoke to me. Its about letting the moment be and turning up to be fully present. I hope it resonates for some of my followers.
Being in the Moment
Today I see that the only real point of power is in the present, which is to say that life cannot be lived backwards or forwards but only in the context of today. If I truly let myself have this moment and all that it contains, I will experience more in the way of enlightenment than if I become a brilliant student of the past or a psychic who can predict the future. It is in the present moment that all the waters meet and all the wisdom of the ages lies; it is the now that calls me to it with open arms. I work out my past, not because it is right or good or proper, but because it allows me to be in full possession of my present. By releasing and returning to me those parts of me that remain prisoner in my own psychic and emotional jail, I can have access to them now.
I allow myself this moment.
Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.
Albert Camus
Emerging From The Dark Night 