Loving and kind

Your leaving left me haunted

Sorrow buried deep in my bones

And then too many experiences

Too painful to tell of

For years

All alone I carried the hurting

Like a waif

I tried my best to pretend

I knew what life meant

But inside I now see that all along

I was secretly drowning

Sadly too I did not realize

Rescue must come

From within

And yet we also need each other

Especially those of us broken apart

By the words, projections and introjects

Of others

I did not understand until yesterday

That he was still haunting me

But when you pointed out

It made so much sense

Was it why I consented to stay frozen at times?

But all along I was finding my way back to myself

It has just taken a while to believe

That the nasty things he said

Were not true

Screwy

Flighty

Insecure

Well that last one may be true

Insecure attachment is not something

To wish upon anyone

Sad it has taken all of this time

To love me

All of this time to see that I am

Worthy of care

A young child

Is a vulnerable being

And we must watch the words we say

Because young mind and hearts are both trusting and open

At the beginning

Yesterday I read of the energy of the gatekeeper

The loving force within us that is able

To both open and close the door

To what is both hurtful and harmful, or loving and kind

This is not something I ever understood before

But being instinct injured

We lack the inner radar

To know the difference

Today I know I am not alone

As long as I am home within

Today I know I need not long for what I never got

And yet also that the longing was real

Today I will make a day for myself

Full of the good, the real, the nurturing and the beautiful

And from now on in my life

I will only surround myself with those

Who are both

Loving and kind