Another very tough day today where I was blocked, where the Universe hit me hard with another ‘no you cannot have this.’ I was actually disappointed and angry with the angels today, why did this blockage happen again? At times the blockages seem like a really tough ancestral curse. It took me a while to go for a good walk I had to sit down on the grass and cry listening to my favorite John Mayer blues track. I was sobbing so hard and there was a cascade of memories of other Christmas endings, the last relationship I had I left him behind on our travels on this day.. I saw today I could not see how hard that was for him and how alone he felt, and that made me sad, but I also needed to be with family that Christmas and when he needed me to come back on his birthday I blew him off as I had found the travelling so hard and really just wanted to be settled.. I also think really I had to come back ‘home’ then after over 26 years away to face a lot and work through it which I have been doing since my Chrion return in 2011.
I look back now and see that a lot of the time in that last relationships I did withhold in some way, but he often would not accept my emotions and he struggled with my reactions out of PTSD, of course he was only human. The energy of the ending is around today when I face the truth that possibly Scott and I will not be meeting by Christmas. Its been 5 years of struggle. Five Christmas’s of which 4 I have spent alone. But maybe that is not all bad at all. Maybe it has been necessary.
I lost my Dad after Christmas, Christmas Eve was the final night we had at home before he died on the 8th of January following a rapid decline from stomach cancer surgery in December.. We had a bit of a dispute that night too, of course I did see Dad in hospital following that but he became unconscious a few days before he died and I did not go up the last night due to having innoculations for an overseas trip. All of this energy of endings is around at Christmas but also traditionally tomorrow we have the solstice or the time of maximum darkness or daylight on opposite sides of the world and so, as the ancients often knew that is a powerful time of shift. At this time its important to realise that letting go and release is the only way we can allow a new beginning in time. If we do not let go we cannot move towards the new or make space for it.. Making that space, now clearing out old energy may be most of what is required.. its a good time to pause and be still. As Solstice actually means Sun standing still before making another shift in orientation.
I am sharing the following two videos for you on the December and Solstice energies.. This is both a time of shedding and clearing as well as a time of setting new intentions. In his December energy update Lee Harris also talks about our need right now for peace, joy and quiet time.. Many of us on the planet are experiencing both fatigue and overwiring of energy that needs to be stepped down. This is a good time to introvert, to pause, to release, to inwardly attune and to ground, It may be a time we recognize the ways we have gone to excess as we move from the fiery Sagittarius energy to the more grounded Capricornian energy.
I wish everyone a peaceful solstice.. I hope you enjoy and gain something from watching either or both of these videos.
Emerging From The Dark Night 