This is a helpful post.. If we suffered invalidation a lot growing up it may still be a trigger which is why its so important we learn ways to take charge of our reactions.
If you were raised by narcissistic or self absorbed parents I would highly recommend Nina W. Brown’s book Children of the Self Absorbed : A Grown Ups Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents.
When the focus is not on us in childhood or is on us in a negative way (excessive punishment or criticism) we develop certain problematic issues in our life. Some of these are:
Low self esteem
Feeling you must be perfect to win other’s love.
Feeling you will only get love through ‘doing’ for others.
Looking for approval outside of the self.
Difficulties establishing boundaries.
Trying to ‘mind read’ others.
Hyper-vigilant, overly reactive to triggers.
Feeling the need to perform in order to win attention or approval.
Feeling you are defective or basically flawed in some way. (Excessive shame/low self esteem.)
Covering up such feelings or fear by being or acting : arrogant, superior, aggressive, rationalising…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 