you ache

you are just like me

even though you hide it

perhaps a long time ago

there was no one there

to help and comfort you

and so you believed you must

go it all alone

and hide your inner

sorrow

confusion and heart ache

you hurt our family so much

because they did not see

all you endured when you were young

nor understand the disguises you put on

with disapproval looming large

to hide the deeper wounds

and painful scars

inside

and this is what makes me sad now

as you and my father endured similar losses

at a similar age

this is indeed what happens in a society

that turns away from loss

and cements in place

huge defences

binding authentic feelings

in silence and shame

so yes my heart goes out to you

but you did not make it easy to love you

and you will never know that I did

indeed fight for you

even though you still seem to treat me with

so much distain

I understand

you and are in some ways just the same

we are both human

and we both have known

loss

separation

distance and

toxic shame

the way we respond is not the same

but never the less

deep in my heart

I know you still

ache