breathing

sometimes its hard to breathe

with these memories of the past

and so the present must be my shelter

there are times I notice now

the tidal pull of this agony

that wants to weigh me down

and never permit me to rise again

but then

I feel this surge of something

good

true

clear

and beautiful

breaking through

and so it is I fight

all of these symptoms that entrap me in

the trauma body’s mesmerizing freeze

a ghostly head then confronts me

as i turn my gaze away

seeking signs of life

sometimes i feel it has been more than half a life

I have sacrificed and lost

sometimes it seems longing and loving

cost me everything

and bought nothing of lasting value at all

and yet all of that mistaken thinking

was nothing but

a thoughtform

that needed to be let go

but maybe only as these

foundations dissolve

setting the deeper hurting free

will the way ahead be revealed

dissolving the past completely

In the swelling

ocean waves

of this heart

rising as a healing tide

washing my feet upon

solid land