Some thoughts on regret and humility

Maybe the wounded defended ego will not let someone countenance or engage with regret. Admitting we fail, are human and make mistakes and can learn from this and not drown in shame marks us for maturity.

It is my experience that narcissistically defended people find it hard to admit mistakes, to say sorry or deeply engage with their own human vulnerability, hurts or flaws. To maintain control they adopt a defended and defensive position and may rationalise and escape into intellect or a misguided sense of superiority. From this lofty position of authority and control they can look down on others even upon their inner child who has things to learn.

In his writings on shamr John Bradshaw makes the point that the wounded self feels either superior or inferior to others, a human God or a worthless worm, never equal or humble. Also if we didn’t feel safe how can we show others or ourselves who we really are, instead of who we are pretending to be, even if unconsciously.

Some of us also find it easier and less anxiety provoking to only acknowledge our deficits or weaknesses, not our positive qualities and strengths. Apparently this is a marked sign of someone open to codependent patterns, we may defer to others, fawn or not trust our own gut with dire consequences and due to punishment or humiliation in childhood we may fear setting boundaries even when we are well aware that to do so would be for our own good. We may really struggle to own our power in a healthy way. This is a major sign we suffered Complex PTSD.

Humility allows us to accept our totality, we don’t have to puff ourselves up or downplay our strengths we can acknowledge them in a balanced way.

Today in some notes I found I came across this quote, it spoke deeply to what I have been suffering through over past weeks in not trusting my gut and setting boundaries. I do not know the source. It’s about how taking on board our mistakes and regets actually helps us to grow in self knowledge.

Only when the heart is broken and the resistive ego cracked open can we let in the healing light of wisdom.