It is said that ‘pride comes before a fall’ but I believe its perfectly okay to ‘have tickets on yourself’ at times (funny those old expressions) after all the capacity to feel good about ourselves when it is justified is part of strong self esteem and it never needs to be at the expense of others.
This contrasts to those determined to ‘bring you down a peg or two’ or those who wish to mock and shame who you are.. I am enjoying very much watching the British Netflix drama Heart Stopper as the moment as it deals with being different (gay) as well as the stigmas, confusion, shame and repression that can surround this. I recently watched another really interesting movie called I Am Michael about a man who battled his homosexuality and sought to convert himself back to being heterosexual but along the way he hurt a lot of people in his confusion. That said is up to the individual to go on their own particular journey.
I loved the scene in Heartstopper where the lead character’s best friend Nick takes on a guy who is hurting the gay lead and shows his new gay friend empathy.. In time Nick comes to face and battle with his own feelings around his sexuality and the series is done in such a tender and heart warming way. I have not watched it all through yet because me being me I like to slowly savor things I love. I have such a soft spot for British comedy/drama which tackles the big issues anyway.
Today I can feel relatively proud of myself for how I have managed my life.. True I overwhelm myself at times and get worried about being ‘too busy’, this is down to the ‘manic’ diagnosis I have seen being slammed on three female relatives when they were reaching for life and then crashed in their self esteem taking on the labels they were given and being nearly medicated into oblivion, with the exception of my niece who got off the meds but ended up with epileptic seizures due to the denial of emotions in her family.
To be honest all of this, seeing them drugged and medicated and shocked, has been both terrifying and heart breaking to me which will be obvious to those who have read my posts about it before pulling back completely in September of last year. Luckily I was strong enough to get sober in 1993 and begin to face things with no numbing agents, this did not always go down well with the active drinkers in my family (what the hell was going on.. had I fallen pregnant or something?) of which there are many as alcohol is still largely socially sanctioned though I do believe this is beginning to change as more and more fess up about it. But the active addict is still often shamed and judged as well as being looked down as the so called ‘problem’ rather than the symptom of an emotionally mixed up culture.
I am of the firm belief that the rampant consumption of alcohol goes along with the protestant work ethic and grog was given to workers and settlers to go awol with after working their rocks off and in a very enlightening book The Return of the Goddess Jungian analyst Edward Whitmont uses a wide ranging exploration of the evolution of human consciousness through different spectrums which led us to this highly polarized and split state as a collective where shame shuts so much down.
The capacity to experience being fully alive in a human body and to embrace ecstasy and joy is not always highly favored, we are supposed to act cool and ‘have our shit together’ which never works as so often the lotus of true self only comes out of exploring and regenerating for a long time within that shit laden shadow..
I am also continuing to read Clementine Ford’s book Fight Like A Girl where she advocates for woman’s sexuality and fights the ‘slut shaming’ bias in our patriarchal culture.. She claims its harder for women to take pleasure in their own bodies and it is only our capacity to do this that makes us better lovers in the end rather than repressed or prostituted women in the economic sense or having to sell our soul to conform to outmoded ideals of beauty and acceptability defined by the moral majority.
By no means am I a radical feminist as I know how much sensitive boys and men face and struggle in this culture with toxic masculinity.. And its no surprise soft and tender guys seek the love of men when faced with patriarchal brutality but I know its not all down to that.. Its not so long ago that men could be locked up for being gay.. That is what happened to Oscar Wilde and out of this he wrote an amazing piece of work De Profoundis.
The opposites of masculine and feminine oscillate in all of us, both women and men. There is a solar force (masculine) and lunar force (feminine), an active force (Mars) and a more receptive force (Venus) that said there are differing permutations of all of these forces according to their own particular shade of expression and motivation in individuals. And Carl Jung made a huge contribution when he honored the concepts of the feminine inside the masculine and vice versa.
Ideally in a healthy society we allow people to have a sense of esteem and pride in themselves no matter their sexual orientation or energy level. After all we are not here to fit into narrow socially constrained parameters but to experience the totality and radiant prism of our inner self in all of its expressions. Let us continue to pray for a world in which its not seen as a sign of mania to feel joy, happiness, ecstasy, to suffer deeply, to feel vulnerable and ashamed (women and men), to feel filled with sexual passion or to want to spend money and meet physical and emotional needs and beautify ourselves and environments, or alternatively not do that but get more back to nature as a place where we just naturally sense, embrace and find beauty.
Lets not demonize anyone but seek to understand what we do when we actively try to cut down our own or another’s sense of pride, joy and agency in their own lives.
Emerging From The Dark Night 