Avoidant and anxious attachment is so challenging. Especially if we have a heart wired to love and connect, as human as that is perhaps some blocked that longing and the trauma work of Mark Wolynn addressing ancestral patterns of disconnecting flow due to trauma, illness, death or loss may make sense of why a child may be born with autistic tendencies.. Until we can understand the complex roots of that we may need to do a very long winded multi-generational search.
In my own family it was loss of babies and siblings that led the family to become increasingly distant and isolated.. This is on my mind today as shortly I am due to go out with my Mum’s best friend. Initially Betty came to work for my Dad in his company as an accountant but she stayed close and was such a support to Mum after Dad died.. She always calls him Mr Willemsen which makes me smile and often she lends me insight into who my Dad was because like my brother he was pretty emotionally buried and avoidant too, like a lot of men. But guys like Matthew Boggs and another English guy who help women wanting to date and connect with men often remind us that guys do feel very deeply but have difficulty expressing that, they would often rather fix or advise us than really listen and this may hurt us if we do not understand,
Well anyway back to Bets we are meeting on a Wednesday (Mercury day) and that rules sibling, she is a Scorpio like my Mum and so her Sun falls in my own chart of siblings.. Mum had no siblings at all, her own Mum was one of three, the oldest daughter with two younger brothers one two years younger the youngest 16 years older which is interesting. Mum longed for sibling so she had four kids the but the last one (me) was not planned but there is 2 years between my older brother and sister and the 8 years and 8 years between us two younger daughters. That interests me.
It occurs to me that Betty was like the sibling my Mum longed for and its been good to stay close to her since Mum died, at first she judged me for my ‘anger issues’ like most of my family but in time she came to see what that was all about as I filled her in on some of the ways I came to be dismissed or forgotten, that said I must also own I played a part in staying avoidant with my second sister’s kids as I feared rejection.
Today I can own my avoidant attachment and explore its roots.. I can express how it affect me.. That said as a sensitive person for me avoidance is not always a pathological thing, its about being quiet empathic and picking up on a lot too. This is down to the strong squares to Neptune in Scorpio in my chart.
I accept today it was difficult at times for me to bond with family. I got in trouble writing some things on my blog when this second sister was struggling and not being ‘got’ that sadness came up again today but I am managing it.. Anyway I am off for my coffee with Betty now.. Its so nice to have this long term connection to my family, even if we only get together once every few months now it really means so very much to me.
Emerging From The Dark Night 