When the body becomes a terrifying place

Shocks and trauma happening to a body and especially a young body leave us with embedded feelings of anxiety and fear that may make no sense.. Or we become overly bodily hyper-vigilant monitoring every twinge and ache and symptom, becoming frozen or endlessly pre-occupied… The way we react then to later shocks may make or break us, I have been noticing since I did the injury to the soul of my left foot on Tuesday (astrologically the day ruled over by Mars and movement) that the way I am reacting in terms of contracting or expanding is making a major difference. Fear of more pain or hurt makes me contract, it makes me not want to move out of fear of doing more damage and it plays back into that old pattern of being pinned and stuck in place on the hospital bed for 101 days back in late 1979.

Being loving to myself from the inside with an encouraging inner parent who gives that scared self love but does not allow it to malinger or contract seems to have been helping me.. Not allowing myself to go back into stories of powerlessness, victimization and hurt is important too. And I am gaining much inspiration from Liz Gilbert’s book on creativity Big Magic at the moment.. Early in the book she shares that she was a hyper-vigilant, overly sensitive and fearful child who got triggered by everything but she had a mother who made her face up to her fears and not avoid them and that helped Liz to grow… in other words her mother encouraged within Liz a sense of action and competency that did not allow her to shrink or to contract.

She is also an advocate of us tapping into our sense of entitlement which seems to get such a bad rap in our society and modern psychology so focused on political correctness and ‘narcissism’. We actually need a healthy sense of entitlement, it is something Robert Karan touches deeply upon in that piece of his writing I shared with you on protest the other day..

To feel that we are entitled to be and to belong and to create is so important.. On the Ascension and Symptoms shift page on Facebook I am noticing how many people are trapped in fear and this sense of being alone and not belonging.. But the truth is we DO BELONG. We have a right to be here, to take up space, to express and this does not have to mean that we seek to overpower others only that we do not collapse in terms of having been overpowered, devalued or failed to have developed a sense of competency, agency and entitlement in the past.

I am taking on Liz Gilbert’s advice when my own toxic inner critic seeks to derail me lately. I had some moments of it before focused on my house but for the second time in three days Jasper and I made it out to walk just after 9 am. We spent time in the park and then at the local cafe at a small village shopping center where we can be around others. Things are slowly improving for me in terms of my accident trauma and Complex PTSD. I have to note this. When fear tries to derail me and get its icy fingers around my heart I have to speak back to it.

I listened to a meditation given by a woman from Archangel Michael last night before going to sleep in which he said many of us are coming out of an exceptionally tough and long dark night of the soul where we have had to face and work through so much tough karma.. That rang true for me.. He also said that we are starting to emerge.. So I drank that in, it was a message he wanted some of us to hear.. So I am sharing it here.

What can you do today to be more creative? To uplift yourself and others? To beautify and harmonize your environment? Do that today.. Give the gift of love to yourself and your world and say to fear and toxic hyper-vigilance, “you do not have to paralyse me any more.. I notice you exist but I refuse to give you power!” I will end with this biblical quote from Timothy 1:7

Declare over yourself “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.”

Have a beautiful and magical Saturday.