I try so hard to stay happy and bright but sometimes difficult thoughts and feelings take me down. I managed well yesterday but today it was difficult to get going. It may be that I am processing hidden sorrow in therapy at the moment, seeing more clearly how Mum and Dad struggled, not due their fault, but hurting me so deeply and damaging me bodily anyway!
Then last night I watched the Netflix documentary on Sam Cooke who was shot on 11 December 1964, 18 months after the loss of his young son Vincent by drowning in 17 June 1963. Sam Cooke had the Sun in Aquarius at 1 degree on the exact placement of my Mars and Saturn. He had Venus in the freedom loving sign of Sagittarius conjunct his own Saturn and in square to both the Moon and Black Moon Lilith in Pisces and this was being triggered by the Sun on the day he was shot. The Black Moon Lilith is an astrological point that relates to trauma, struggle and the dark feminine.
The circumstances surrounding his death are controversial, was he really with a prostitute and shot 3 times by the woman on reception or was the real culprit covered up, since he had recently found out his white manager had betrayed him over a company they established he thought, wrongly he had control over and was about to confront him the next day? The mafia had been onto him seeing the success, power and influence he was trying to build with his music company which he had set up with that manager to promote black artists?.
We may never know. But it is interesting to see how much he and other black Americans struggled to regain power only to be shot down in those intense Uranus Pluto times of the early half of the 1960s. I was born in 1962.
A lot from the past is coming up for me, especially around my brother in law and that came to a head around the day I had the foot puncture injury.. I also watched a video from an animal intuitive last night who speaks of how dogs particuarly live with out anxiety due to no stories of trauma influencing them mentally. They live completely engaged in the present moment and long for joy, engage presence and play. It made me realise my happiest present times are with my dog Jazzie and not other humans who at times have proved so traumatising, or emotionally unavailable. I am sure so many other victims of trauma feel this way.
I also long not to be pulled down by all of that dark repressive of vibrant vital life force and energy that the beauty rich soulful African American people suffered. But there is a strong echo there for me.. I adore black music, r and b, rap and gospel.
That said as Oprah reminded me a few months back most black people she knows we’re hit or traumatized when young, and coming out of slavery its no wonder they carried so much angst, but even in their natural climate they were more primal.
Cruelty and oppression exist. I oppress and am cruel to myself at times. I am more likely to be negative against myself than positive and loving. Today Archangel Raphael told me to say the following affirmations to release past ancestral pain and anchor in love peace joy and higher vibrations.
I acknowledge and release the pain, anger, anguish, sadness and frustration of my ancestors.
I acknowledge their strength, resilience and tough fighting survival spirit.
I bathe my soul in healing frequencies of love and light as I continue to work to release this past pain and slowly anchor into my natural, whole, undivided, abundant, joyful, creative and integrated Self.
Emerging From The Dark Night 