Some questions to ask yourself : do the men in your life respect you?

I found this list very helpful. It comes from Beverley Engel’s book The Nice Girl Syndrome : Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up For Yourself and is adapted from Anne Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

Are there times he intimidates or threatens you?

Does he treat your opinions with respect, even when they differ strongly from his?

Does he listen without interrupting to your side in an argument? Does he make a serious effort to respond thoughtfully to your points of concern?

Does he accept your right to express your anger toward him, especially when it involves his history of mistreating you?

Are you free to raise your grievances and does he do something about them?

Does he respond to those and make changes?

Does he reduce or eliminate use of controlling behaviors such as sarcasm, eye rolling, talking over you, or other demonstrations of disrespect or superiority during conversations and arguments?

If he slips into controlling behavior, does he take you seriously when you tell him about it?

Does he take into account how his actions may affect you without being constantly reminded?

Is he demanding, self centered or selfish?

Does he blame you for his abusive behavior?

Does he respect your right to freedom and independence? This includes allowing you separate friendships and time apart?

Does he make excuses for hurtful behavior and not blame you for it?

Does he respect your boundaries around sex?

Does he flirt or cheat with other women?

Is he fair with your about finances? Does he allow you to keep assets in your own name?

Does he support and not undermine your strengths?

Does he argue non abusively?

As a woman you have the right to bring up your concerns or protest unfair treatment in a relationship with a man. You deserve patience, understanding and respect, most especially of your emotions. Do not let things slide in a relationship on any of these points.. When they appear in a relationship they are red flags and you need to take them seriously so that you do not hand your power over to someone who can then use it against you.