I am a big fan of Les Carter. His books helped me a long time ago when I was being controlled by an emotionally avoidant narcissist not recognizing this as a fact.. This video was only recently published but it addresses the issue of avoided feelings and pain which help us to mature and grow.. Do not expect the narc to value your feelings since they are both invested in denying their own and running from, deflecting, inflicting or projecting them in anyway they can. We must also watch when we also try to avoid pain in such a way.
After listening to this I am aware of how my own shame could at times be deflected as being made to feel defective by parents, siblings or others, it can then be turned outside which also stops maturation and growth and will effect the capacity for true empathy. It explains well the function of the outer critic.
Emerging From The Dark Night 