Mute

I wrote this piece leading up to the lunar eclipse over 3 weeks ago. It is interesting to keep re-visioning our healing process that spirals as we seek a larger container for it all And as transiting Saturn moves ever closer to yet another square with transiting Uranus to see where enlightenment/desire for freedom hits the ordained limits of this manifest life with all its burdens, conditioning, restrictions, repression and challenges.

I have been in a strange place in past days, incapable of writing, questioning the meaning of things, going over past hurts, seeing my vulnerability and helplessness then knowing I have to own everything, even the parts or people I could not change that really hurt. But most of all I am getting sick of going over it, how does knowing about the truth change one thing? Truth is it doesn’t. The only power rests in me to change my attitudes to it, but not to deny it

Can I say it made me stronger? Possibly. But at times I feel so disconnected. They say lunar eclipses are a time when past issues eclipse present ones, that this happens to draw our awareness to pains, past growth experiences, struggles, issues challenges, or possibly ancestral karma (as I personally feel the Moon represents some aspect of that emotional legacy) and that we then stand poised to make a new start at the Solar eclipse. This usually follows in two weeks time as we move through the processing, digesting, and shedding that is needed as we see things illuminated more. But the moon is eclipsed what does this mean for our process? It bears scientific inward investigation..

At the moment I only manage to see all.of the ways in which I’ve been stuck and made what seem like stupid choices, but that attitude can then doom and paralyse me even more from taking action in the present and where does it allow the messy process of paradox to be allowed? Past eclipsing the present? Maybe it’s what been happening over past days, possibly like the Buddhists say eclipses are times not for action but for inward meditation and soul attunement.

Uranus us strong at this eclipse here in Australia its showing up in massive protests and even in death threats to the Victorian premier. People are angry over mandatory vaccination, so they are lashing out. But death threats? See my pacifist side is showing. For me I’d prefer to fly under the radar and go my own quiet separate way. I’ll draw close to the eternal and timeless.

Revolutions have happened in the past and heads have literally rolled especially during the period Uranus was first ‘discovered’. We all want the right to live in harmony with our spirit and beliefs, but we are also part of a collective, God knows balancing the intricate blend of the two comes with challenges.

Early this morning as I was spinning out in my body of all the hurt caused prior to that second head injury, the fury was intense, my body carries it as I struggle to get upright and negotiate each day. Eating and digesting took one and a half hours. I keep fighting on. What else can I do? I want to be more alive as my authentic self right now. I need to find a new pathway out though even as this modern world at times depresses and tires me. I know good people are out there. I meet them when I risk engaging, but in order to do that I have to continually face the killing forces and voices inside me that would rather I stay trapped, doomed, locked in and negative. So here in the quiet as I ground and explore and find pockets of emerging insight and peace I will also seek my way to fly above the past bondages and burdens.