I am really feeling the swing between opposing polarities lately, it may have something to do with the move of more inner planets into fire, at times I get surges of happiness, joy, possibility, expansion and hope, and then there are huge pulls down into the darkness of pain, suppression, despair, trauma memory and grief.. It is a good thing to be able to go with the swing of this, perhaps all a part of the healing cycle and to remember that Venus is moving closer and closer to Pluto over the next 7 days.
There can be a view at times in this world that passion and intensity are somehow ‘bad’, it considered by many not cool to be so reactive, emotional or ‘irrational’, we should, as adults be expected to keep our emotions in check but when it comes to the path of healing and especially healing from the generations of the wounding of the feminine feeling function then that is a lie really and it can turn into a form of abuse that keeps on perpetrating injury and isolation for those whose pain needs a viable yet contained pathway outward. And when we block access to sad, angry or other deep feeling emotions the expression of aliveness and joy goes missing too, we cannot take pleasure in sensual desire and honest non dual expression seeing this raw full bloodedness as in some way wrong and demonising it.
In fact having been on the receiving end of this kind of shaming has been tough in my life.. Its been also a relief to, in past years, have been able find others with trauma, high sensitivity and deep thinking and feeling minds and hearts who understand this, live it, as well as an excellent therapist comfortable with the positive aspects of anger, and for me to feel not to be no longer as misunderstood in this way.. Lately I take great comfort from those who know the darkness and do not revile it as evil or project so much fear onto it.
I am also thinking today of the suffering self that lives inside of us and lived inside of our ancestors that could not find a pathway out, in fact in this book I am reading about converted White Supremacist Tony McAleer he speaks of the pain his father carried in silence and I wondered if that in some way fuelled some of the rage Tony ended up displacing onto those who he considered himself ‘above’ in his life.
Meeting friends yesterday reminded me of past judgement and hurt but luckily I got an apology years ago from a friend who berated me for ‘anger issues’ and the stopped inviting me to events.. for me, my reaction, at that time (which was the anniversary of my father’s passing in the second year after I moved back to my home town after leaving the year he died and being away for about 23 year) I had an unnecessary sinus operation since it was all down to repressed grief anyway.. I think the following year I had massive nosebleeds spending that Christmas alone and my sister had yet another breakdown due to her repressed feelings. And then 4 years later my mother died just before Christmas and 3 and a half years after my older sister..That is just such a lot of loss to have been dealing with.
In relation to this upcoming Venus Pluto aspect I was also thinking of the healing pathway of witnessing someone’s pain body and being able to echo and mirror and be with them as they contain big emotions. This is a pathway of healing described by Jungian analyst Sylvia Brinton Perrera in her book on depression and its healing whose title evade me now. In that book she tells the tale of the Sumerian goddess Innana who goes down into the Underworld to rescue her traumatized sister Erishkegal. As she makes the descent Innana is stripped of everything then hung on a hook but before she left the upper world she asked some helper critters the Enkies to come for her if she was not back in 3 days.. In the myth the Enkies get Erishkegal to free Innana by mirroring her in her pain and saying in concert with her ‘woe is me, woe to mysides” to which they say to her “woe is you and woe to your insides” so it is in depression we must find a part of us to comfort the suffering or struggling self that is weighted down or crippled and disempowered in order that it can regain its energy and vitality..
The truth is none of us recover or heal if we are not validated and if we cannot summon up in some way the inner sources of self acceptance, self championing and self compassion.. To be shouted at for having suffered or struggled in the end will get us no where.
So as Venus moves closer to Pluto it may be a good time to remember the power of compassion, kindness, empathy and inner gentleness with ourselves and others and if there are intense clashes of values (since Venus rules values as well as issues surrounding self worth and relationships) to take some time to consider how things are for those with opposing values to us.. For surely none of us has the monopoly on values, and the celebration and allowance of difference it one of the hallmarks of a maturing consciousness, no longer so at war with the evil shadow in the world out there, due to gathering power or toxic shaming criticism fueled by our own rejected dark side
Emerging From The Dark Night 