To bask in peace, to rest in silence, to feel complete for a time is a precious gift. I do not get those moments often but today has become this way, and I took great heart from reading how Jung created for himself and his inner child at his property in Bollingen a place where he could live simply, close to nature and engage in play. This really interested me as an astrologer friend reminded me on Monday that transiting Neptune was turning direct around the time I was exploring Jung’s transits at the weekend, and to realise that Jung had Neptune placed in Taurus which is related to Venus and the embodied feminine beauty and peace of nature and the natural world.
Jung had no electricity at Bollingen, he worked in stone there, he chopped his own wood and lit his lamps for light and there, in that environment he could experience his deeply rich inner life. Just reading about this today reminded me how complex and busy and externally focused our modern life can be.. and how often we ache for rest and the healing calm and peace of that inward soul turning, perhaps at times being so caught up in the outside world we do not even recognizing our great tiredness or emptiness.. I also thought of how recently, too, another astrologer had mentioned this need for us to simplify in relation to current transits of the planet Uranus through Taurus.. Bringing light to Jung’s Neptune is par for the course if Uranus is transiting close to it right now.
On a personal note, having another hit of dental treatment two days ago severely discombobulated me for well over 36 hours, I am very hesitant about the work I am meant to have in two weeks. I am sure I will go ahead with it but I have to be realistic about how much it knocks me around and come to think of it that trauma to my head came on the back of my inner feelings being in such a storm that I ended up coming to grief on a solid piece of iron foundry following a craniosacral treatment back in 2005… If I had rested that day so much of the pain I have had to go through since then would have been less, and yet, I had to go through that experience.. And sometimes I just cry about it all. I cannot lie but I was back in that deeply suicidal place several times over the past 42 hours or so and experiencing again surges and surges and surges of trauma memory to do with me, my Mum and my older sister Judith as well as her granddaughter who had that seizure episode about 4 years ago.
Anyway even with all of that going on this week I have attended to the things bugging me and leading me to become overwhelmed last week on the back of flooding rain..the garage is still not cleaned out completely but I made a start. I got the water logged carpet dried out by dragging it into the sun and moving it around, threatening rain came to nothing and today there is supposed to be more on the way so I put it back in a dry spot last night.
We are heading towards the dark of the moon over the next couple of days and the solar eclipse on the 4th of December here in Australia so its a good time to be getting things sorted.. The Sun and Mercury have been travelling together for some time now so when the Moon joins them on the 4th that will be three planets in the fire sign Sagittarius. Interestingly Sagittarius relates to the wider range perspective we can attain after that deep dive into the depths which occurs in the preceding sign of Scorpio, the Moon is actually at 8 degrees of Scorpio as I type this.. Things certainly were intense last month and leading up to the lunar eclipse about 12 days ago.. For me a lot came up then, and reading others sharing on the Awakening Empath page on Facebook I have not been alone in experiencing intense feelings of both rage and grief, there have been some very uncomfortable things I have had to look at in terms of my relationships and loss of self and boundaries, but at this stage I am glad I had the courage to face them, even if I cannot change them.
It was a trigger too a few days ago to be watching yet another episode of the drama This Is Us which dealt with the character Kate having a secret termination of pregnancy to a boyfriend who devalued her aged 18.. She keeps this from her partner Toby and it takes her four years to let him know, he agrees to travel with Kate so she can go and confront the ex and at that meeting he tries to tell her she was broken.. Kate stands up for herself “I wasn’t broken, I was grieving, I had lost my Dad only a short time before, you are the one who was broken” she tells him and is then free to walk away happy to have been able to state her truth and honor the depth of pain and loneliness she had endured in that situation. Gosh this resonated for me very very deeply.
The old me underwent just so much, she carried so much of it in silence, over the years I have found a way to share about it.. interestingly too, a short while ago a valued follower put a like on one of my earliest posts that I will link to below that was my first attempt to tell my story when I first was encouraged to start blogging here..And it really took me back as I started to try and write a book about it back in 2005 and that writing is still lost somewhere, reams and reams of it on an older computer of mine that sits up the back of the spare room cupboard.
Well that is today’s update, I am going to get back to reading about Jung and play and the passage of his later years before my phone therapy session at 3. It is a relief to have that dental low behind me and a bit of a reprieve until the next lot of work in two weeks. Facing up to getting this stuff done is not easy but just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it, if there is decay there it needs to be repaired but its not the most pleasant of things to have hanging over my head. I just long to bask in the quiet, relaxation, calm and peace right now.
Emerging From The Dark Night 