The following comes from the Al Anon reader Hope For Today.
When I think of boundaries, it helps if I think of a castle in a lake. Boundaries are the drawbridge connecting the castle with the world.. Usually the drawbridge is down, and people can walk freely back and forth. However, when danger is sensed, the drawbridge rises to protect the castle.
To protect myself from the dangers of my alcoholic family, I shut down, and kept my drawbridge closed to guard my feelings and thoughts. Eventually my castle grew musty and foul inside. When I reached Al Anon, I couldn’t distinguish between real and imagined threats. By listening to members share, I learned how to recognize danger signals in the behavior of others and how to respond appropriately.
On occasion, the danger signals are not clear. Sometimes what I perceive as a threat is something I have conjured up in my own mind, if I immediately shut down my feelings in reaction, I usually end up hurting myself or someone else. In the end I might lose and opportunity to grow or a chance to love and be loved
With the help of my Higher Power and the Serenity Prayer, I have learned to distinguish between real and imagined threats. I have also learned to recognize and respect others’ boundaries. I am also able to discern when it is wiser for me to remain open to someone I love and trust even when I want to close up out of fear. I remind myself that I cannot experience love, joy, and trust, and completely abandon myself to my Higher Power if I can’t risk feeling the other extremes of sadness, hurt, and fear.
Thought for the Day
Knowing when to open and when to close my boundaries is a learning experience.
Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it’s up to me how oper or close I’ll be at any given time.
Courage to Change, p. 201
Emerging From The Dark Night 