I try and I keep trying
But can’t you see I am sick to death of it?
My soul is dying
From all of this trying
I must
Be
And most of all
Be me
Why does it feel like a crime?
At no time was I ever cruel to you
And yet seeing my vulnerability
You chose to make of me someone who was
Deficient
And you the fucking ‘hero’ who bore with it all
The truth is my feelings meant bugger all to you
You told me clearly at that start that your needs came first
Well maybe you were just
My divine nemesis
The one chosen to show me what I had
Buried so far down inside the shadows
That my entire being would spin and quake
And the explode
With the knowing of it
When you came close
And so it was I fell
Again
And hit my head
And then you told me how selfish I was
For hurting
You know what
I wish I had told you to go fuck yourself
Instead of hanging around
Like a dog
Begging for any tiny crumb
That fell from your hands
Because in the end
The awful truth
Is
This
Really it was me
Who in accepting it
Was
Abandoning myself
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I would love to know how you would have coped with having your head smashed open D W Brewster.. you self righteous twat!
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Earlier this said something else, now I’m a bad guy. Do you know what happened to me?
Carrying the pain around and identifying yourself with it continues to hurt you, probably just as bad as the head trauma did. It’s in the past. The only thing keeping it alive is you. Freeing up the need to keep it with you would really help, I do know that. Do you identify yourself through the pain and past? Staying present is all I was getting at, but you quickly jumped to a conclusion of me being a self-righteous twat, after your kindness, a lie obviously, was removed. Thanks for the opinion! Enjoy your day.
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I do not know what happened to the earlier comment but I was grappling not to last hou because the insensitivity of your comment “seriously move on” filled me with rage. To be honest I find your take shallow and dismissive of the enormous emotional work it takes to turm inrage (due to not only abandonment but parental neglect that led to bodily injuries and nearly my death) into outrage. I was then further abused by a toxic narcissistic for over 4 years whose behaviour even horrified his family.
Of course I am carrying the pain around while doing my level best but for me expressing it in a benign firm in my blog helps not only me but other survivors and I move through by externalising it to remove the charge over time.
I also find your comment a boundary violation which is what angered me even more, I respect others right to feel pain and hurt. We give more by understanding than advising.
And there was nothing in your earlier comment about stating present and I didn’t ‘jump to any conclusions’ I had an instant gut reaction. Getting into the present moment is important but I am still.processing this with therapeutic help. And it’s not possible to let go of something until you personally work it through. To expect anything else is not really helpful and it only hurts a person honestly trying to come to grips with pain even more
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Okay.
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And I didn’t remove the srler comment its still in my comments folder but for some reason it’s not appearing on my page.
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This is heart touching! So true!❤️
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Thanks so much thus means alot as someone earlier told me to get over it and move on. Narcissistic abuse is not easy to work through but getting in touch with our anger and getting to the place where we can let go and move on is a process and takes time. Thank you again. 🌹
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You’re absolutely right! Getting over abuse is not easy as it seems to others!
More power to you.
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Thank you so much and you.. ❤
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